Wednesday, April 28, 2010

st george bday party dos

i waddle. no i havent always waddled...i realized this let me explain. i believe it was because i was wearing jeans yesterday...which was the first day i had done such a thing since the surgery...the waddling was so that i didnt rub against the zipper and button. needless to say woody thought it fit perfectly with the whole prego belly thing. ...glad he got a kick out of it. so the result of this realization? im not wearing pants until i have to. skirts, dresses, and shorts only.

two exams yesterday...wish i could say they went stellar. that would be a lie. math exam? not even going to say a word about it. history exam? i was late and still finished confidently before others...just a regular test over the WWII-Vietnam era...not bad at all. got ready for the day, went with woody to his place...he made the pancakes this time...yes he can cook and yes its good and yummy. to give you an idea of how my stomach has shrunk lately...two pancakes (small-med size) plus a cup of juice and i was stuffed. i finished it all like a good girl since i knew finishing the juice would not be good with my dehydration record...ah well. stopped by the sig house on the way to st george to drop off a screw driver so one of the guys could break into his car. i was asked why i was barefoot "i have tennessee foot" ..."whats that?" "walk around barefoot" "...oh" (i think i single handedly just ruined all the work of unhickafying the south and tennessee specifically with that convo).

we stopped at a gas station on the way to st george and as we're sitting there a guy wearing a face mask and goggles driving something similar to a rhino parks in front of the store...the vehicle was registered like a car people. license plate...etc. now that was a new one. oh...and the noses on the new dodges? i approve. it kinda reminds me of a shark nose...angles forward with a slight hump right behind it. speaking of my roomie carlie had to write a story in was a world domination expo was what it turned out to be. it was her plan to take over the world and each roomie had a part. guess what i was?! ...the slave. lol. so the other day she added a part to it...the shanda!! what is a shanda you ask? it is a shark-panda hybrid! also known as the park. incredibly cute and dangerous. (from what we know anyways-one has never been successfully born at our facilities). this is what ive lived with for the last year...and sadly? im not staying with them next year...

drop my laundry off at his parents house (hey his sheets were in there too) and we head to jolleys ranchwear outlet...everything was going. they were shutting down by saturday. prices listed were not what they were going for. there was a rack of $1 shirts and shorts. all the womens jeans that had been $60 that had gone for $15 were gone sadly. boots were thin and few between. two MHT premium felt hats left. $1 baseball caps. what did i get you ask? over $200 boulet boots got all the way down to $75. for giggles i tried on one of the MHT felt hats. lo and behold it fit! kid you not. this thing is a $200 it for $70. and yes i looked at the $1 baseball caps. there on the pile was a trucker hat with carhartt on it. ...yes. i thought about getting it. upon telling woody that he says, "you still surprise me sometimes." woody didnt get out of the store without buying anything either lol...he got some cowboy up cowboy boots (they look good on him if i do say so myself) and some work boots that he finds exceptionally comfy and again lol look good. after damaging our bank accounts we went looking for a birthday card for bridget...found a great one but there was this one we didnt get. "look! i got you a scratch and sniff card! ...scratch here. *scratch...nothing. open the card* smells like a birthday card doesnt it?" ...nice.

got a call from madre after woody and i got back...she read me some bits from the email from dad. lets just say...i need to finish school fast and make lots of money and not spend anything. i need the scholarships and may change from the apartments i applied for to a sister apartment by the same people thats a little cheaper though its twice the distance from the school...i can count how many times ive seen or heard my mom cry on one hand and well...this added to it. i wish i was home for her...again i can count on one hand how many times "i love you" has been said between her and as the phone call ends i say "i love you mom" ..."i love you too baby." i lost it. i was glad i had walked into the garage cause i lost it. tears down the face...dried my face off, dried the eyelashes and walked back in...on with the night

dinner? straight from home moms kitchen it seems. no joke...the pasta dish? really similar to one of my favorite dishes mom does (spaghetti a la carbanara). noodles, bacon, spinich, olives, egg, parmesan, olive oil, garlic....both were equally delicious. garlic bread...yum. and then there it was...tomatoes and mozzarella with basil on top. im not quite sure what was put on it...i just know it was good. i had seconds. again something we would make back home...(and i admit that before we left i ate like half the box of it that was in the fridge...i was craving it ok?) the cake? the best part was just trying to light the candles...they melted super fast and literally drowned themselves and got wax all over the was priceless. lots of laughs and such going around the table. afterwards i finished up my laundry while my blog was being read by certain individuals at the table ;) and then a certain blog was shown to least this time that evening i could hold the tears at that point where they didnt fall down the cheeks...

woody was driving the motorcycle back to cedar since it had warmed up enough consistently that he was willing to have it out of storage...that meant i had the truck. now i follow people well. i dont lose em cause of how i drive plus i pick vehicles out and i dont lose em even if they are ahead of me. i dont like being behind motorcycles so the order of just stay behind me? ugh. oh plus im driving with brights on the whole time so we dont have to worry about being pulled over by the crazy cops again. i had drivers ed....ive seen the pics...the videos. im sorry...i do not want that to happen to woody. i mean i know he pays attention and watches out for everyone else on the road but still....i could not stand to see something happen to him...on top of that? last spring..i was driving towards town and say something i wont ever forget. there was an accident...happened as i got close and *shudder* i saw him die. a guy on a motorcycle t-boned a car at 60+ mph. shoes fly. people trying to save him. all because the car didnt see him and turned in front of him. and once on the freeway im supposed to follow him but there was no consistency in the speed lol...ah home safe. thats what matters right?

Monday, April 26, 2010

the pregnant crack addict in the corner

first off.
i can move! not to say i couldnt before, but i can walk upright, run, jump, climb, dance, cough, hiccup, etc all without pain. its a lovely thing to be sure. granted i have a searing headache almost 24/7 and aspirin and water doesnt help much with it but i think thats because the antibiotics tell me to avoid all light...sunglasses are definitely helpful.

sheri dew came and spoke saturday morning...i got there late and was assisted down the stairs and to my seat since i was still a bit ify walking and doing stairs that day...(yes i got tired going down the stairs. it happens ok? needless to stay climbing back up em was not fun). sat front and center...and when i say that i mean second row, center aisle seat. ya. way cool and good speech.
after that, grabbed some breakfast with woody and then later that afternoon (after ensuring i was drugged) headed to a lunch thing up in enoch(?) for the engineering majors. an hour drive to a ranch...beautiful. i only had a bite of the yummy buffalo burger (i cant stuff hurts). ok. so there was this bull....his hips? taller than me. this guy was gigundo! i could curl up in a ball and prolly would have fit in his skull. way huge bull. had a curly haired forehead...all white. slapping the bull was suggested to several one did it. prolly cause even if the guy made it through the fence...after just a few times of running into the metal railing, im sure the bull wouldve gotten through too. "go ahead...itll give the biggest adrenaline rush ever. plus there's a clinic in panguitch. we've been there before"

there was this one game...woody called it "golf" ...not the way ive ever played golf lol. two balls on a string with a thing you try to catch them on for points...anyways it was fun. a ladies man of a little kid running around...sigh. ill broach that topic later.there was a cute brindle boxer pup running around....ah to have a boxer. i like em...definitely want natural ears...and if possible a natural tail would be nice too. though...i definitely like the mini schnauzer we have back home. she's a sweetheart...the only lady in the family with a beautiful full mustache and beard. all black (though she's what...5? and already graying out) and spunky...natural ears and just a great dog. ...alright so not too long ago i decided that when i have a ranch i want rhodesian ridgebacks for my ranch dog. hands down. say im out on a ride or something...this dog was bred to run alongside horses for miles and miles and miles. bonus? they were bred to fight lions...thats a dog i want at my side if i ever run into trouble on the trail or anything that could cause problems...mountain lions, bears, etc. plus a great family dog...great with kids and just good dogs. idk. just a breed i want lol.

k so enough tangents...story time...hehehe
so sunday...oh boy. didnt get to my ward...went with woody. let me pause here and say that my belly is still swollen from surgery, the CO2, bruising, and such...aka i have a prego looking belly. i have needle marks and bruising around it from the IVs and blood tests. i look like a crack addict. here i am sitting in the front of the church with woody looking like a pregnant crack addict. great. oh it gets better lol...announcement time from the church...announcing of the newly moved in members
"we would like to welcome rachel ann woodbury!"
...let me pause here for everyone. my name is rachel ann. woody's last name is woodbury. awkward. so when he hears rachel ann he looks at me and im looking at him and do a fast swivel to see if anyone stands up. when he hears woodbury he looks to see who the new girl is......too bad no one stood up...ya. weird. so i get to relief society and the girl that gave a talk during sacrament sits next to me and asks if im woodys sister or im the girlfriend. *pause* ...i ask if she asked because of the announcement in sacrament. she said yes and i laughed and explained the whole rachel ann woodbury thing...needless to say she laughed and thought that was a little weird.
later he was walking with me to my room and he goes "you know my last girlfriend went crazy...and here you are already changing your last name!"
"it wasnt me i swear!"
"man...i havent even proposed and youre already changing it...i dont know if i can do this! *big grin*.."
.....(for the record even though no one stood up in church i swear it was not me)
we walk a little further and he stops me.
"you know what tho? rachel ann woodbury rolls off the tongue really well...*smile*..."

oh. well...can i just say real fast that im gonna miss him over the summer? majorly. ugh. plans have already been made for a camping trip once i get back in town. i cant wait. cant wait to be back. cant wait to see him..which...
...people ask when the wedding is...when im getting a ring...that i better send them an invite... i wish they would chill. i wanna smack em and be like..."im not worried about it. i dont think about it...why do you care?" i guess cause its utah that has something to do with it but ...guys..i just got out of a 15 month relationship just 3 months ago. i was engaged. i had the ring on the finger. obviously that fell through. im in no rush to get married or engaged for that matter. guaranteed i wont be married before 20 and yes, i live in utah and yes im fine with that.
...and i guess from this topic i can jump to one i said i would cover earlier: kids. love em to death. ive mentioned the maternal instinct..i love playin with them. i have no problems with spit-up, throw-up, diapers...been there done it all. lets say i see no kids but i hear em...the attention (of listening) goes to the kids or babies. a cry or scream elicits a glance to make sure everything is ok...thats just how i am. honestly? cant wait til i have my own. (they better be little cause after this last surgery i refuse to have a c-section. its the maternal thing again...i have to be well so that i can protect for them). there will also be no epidurals. not happening. sorry. youre not sticking a needle in my spine. with the news my uterus is in a weird place plus just a deep secret fear that i cant or wont be able to have kids...*shiver* mom says mine is just like hers...near the spine and she had 4 kids so it eases the fear a lot but still... and ok so yes, i was one of the girls that had at least one name picked out years ago... k for the first time publicly i will reveal them lol. (sorry im in a weird mood). girl: lily margaret -margaret comes from my grandma edwards...something for her since i looked up to her as a little girl even if i didnt see her much. boy: aiden james -first name is definitely available to change but honest to goodness the name james grabbed my attention a few years ago and its just stuck around.

k...subject change. finally got my stuff from the ex. didnt get everything of course. got my clothes but yearbook. it was interesting for woody to be standing there next to me when i opened up the box...anywats (and yes i meant to put a t instead of a y thank you).

packing is coming along nicely...everything is going to 4 different places: home, colorado, woodys place (including the bike), and DI (or trash). ...lots to sort through and get done. studying? hate it. 2 finals tomorrow, 1 wednesday, and 2 thursday. oh! oh! so tomorrow, heading to st george...gonna hit up the jolley ranchwear store thats going outa business! cant wait lol. on to the birthday dinner (happy birfday bridget!!) then driving the truck back to cedar solo.

checking out of the dorms thursday morning...leaving cedar thursday afternoon to go to st george. las vegas friday to fly home...home just in time for my sisters bday...cant wait. i told woody "drats! i wont be able to pick up my sister when i get home!" (doc's orders of no lifting anything over 25lbs for the next 2 weeks). his response..."wait, how old is she?"
"she's turning 10...*laugh*.."
"isnt that a good thing?! she's prolly almost as big as you!"
"well ya, she's almost as tall as me...but she's only like 60 some lbs..."
...he just shook his head lol.

ok. this is ridiculously long enough...sorry. lots of rambling this time. peace!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

selflessness. trust. love...

growing up i was never thought to be a selfless child. i was told i was selfish and cared nothing about others. sigh...if only you could have gotten into my head as a kid.

you say i took too long to order food at a fast food restaurant. i was being told to get whatever i want but i never did. i fought myself inside to pick the cheap food. everytime. if there were two different things that i thought i might want to eat...i choose the cheapest one everytime. not to purposely look like a cheapskate kid but because i didnt want to be a bother. i didnt want people spending money on me.

i picked the cheap shoes to like. my tomboyish ways helped...i didnt have to ask mom to buy frilly shirts or dresses. no make-up. jewelry? yeah right.

as i got older i became more "selfish." i would get in trouble because i would come home late. i would be late because i would be helping a friend out.

dad would be gone overseas and mom would be busy with everything. i did so much to raise my little sister. i was...what 9 when she was born? over the next 2-3 years i became her translator. her comfort when something happened. her almost everything. there were times she would slip and call me mom. when i had my truck...if she was given the choice between a ride with me in my truck or a ride with mom in the car...she chose me every time. she still comes to me. the time, effort, love, the everything ive put into her...thats time ive taken away from something i could have been doing for more "selfish" reasons.

the guys ive dated or been with...i often gave more then i ever received in return. almost always. the last guy i dated....the one i was engaged to...even til the end i sacrificed so much for his wishes. all last semester of school i avoided social activities like the plague. i skipped out on dances (a passion of mine). absolutely no parties. nothing to do with fraternities (opps...) no hangin out with guys in general...and that one? thankfully impossible. i was in rotc and had my testosterone fix that way (i grew up hanging with guys...cant stop that). anything deemed wrong was a huge fight. stress. and time and time again...i would give in. selfish? ya right.

not to have this be me parading around going look at this! look at this!....this is me letting it out.

everything ive done for my friends in the last few months...helping them out...anything i spose. the dinner for the bathroom...filling up a friends gas tank when i borrowed the jeep...telling mom im paying for her to fly to hawaii...paying for gas and well...woodys dry cleaning lol. while in the hospital...woody gave me a small yellow bear. sidenote: the other day he had fallen asleep with his head on my chest and well...there is something comforting about a head under my chin. the nearest feeling i can place it with is a maternal feeling. i dont know why...but its like having the baby fall asleep on your chest and knowing theyre safe there. well i was having a hard time getting to sleep once back in my bed in the dorms and some thought came to him....the maternal feeling--stick the bear under my chin on my chest. lo and behold? it worked! my body calmed down...i breathed normally again and was able to sleep. the thoughts in my head as i fell asleep? (yes i was drugged) *k...calm down and breathe. you have to be ok so nothing happens to the baby...* last thoughts through my head as i fell asleep. call me psychotic or whatever but...i slept like a baby and fell asleep just fine.

after the last boy i told myself it would be almost impossible to trust someone...especially just straight off. that was somewhat truth when i would go on dates or be in public.

bam. i start talking to woody and well...none of that. i trusted him from the word go. midnight adventures? no fear. pancakes? his place? 4am? why of course! hawaii had started as a joke...that obviously turned into a serious proposition later on. look into his brown eyes and you know what he says is the truth. nothing is hidden. nothing is dangerous or suppressed for later. its him. all him and i trust him. completely. maybe im a fool for it...but it feels ok to me.

again after the last one i said ill go on dates and have fun but i am not settling for one singular person. i just cant. not for a few years.
...that worked fine until woody came along. more like i text him...but yall already know that story. having talked to him about it...neither of us figured we could fall for someone so fast. especially after the situations we had been in previously. but fall and fast we did. we have no way to explain it. no rhyme or reason. things he says....well...i cant wait to get back to school to him in the fall. :)

"and i thought i loved you then...."

tuesday my pain was minimal. things were going well and i was on the up and up. since woody had time and wanted to he dropped me off at the hospital for my appointment. i did all the paperwork i had to and was seen shortly afterwards. he wasnt concerned with the apparent genetic defect i could possibly have. he just said that with the size my stones were i should be able to pass them on my own and but if i wanted them out and to be done with it with no more problems then i could come back in thursday as a walk-in since thursday is surgery day and he could get rid of it. i said i should be fine and will try to just flush it out on my own. seemed reasonable to him. appt over so woody picked me up and we headed to his place. ...i know we watched chuck...and well i fell asleep ok? nothing terrible. (blessing in disguise actually). sometime in the night i woke up in pain...he literally force fed me toast and a granola bar along with juice or water...something and then i had my pain pills. after they kicked in i fell asleep again. he had an early meeting and left. (the original plan had been that i would have some food ready when he got back....needless to say that didnt happen). i was still in bed when he got back and he tried to feed me some get something in me. i hobbled to the bathroom and after washing my hands basically collapsed on the floor. he tried to hold me up but i just crawled to the toilet and stayed there. by this time, he's called class to let them know he's gonna be late and has talked to mom. phone numbers have been exchanged and taking my to the hospital is discussed. its final. i ask him to take in way too much pain and honestly? there are three comfy beds in town: his, mine and the hospital. his is the closest but doesnt get rid of the crippling pain. mine it the farthest of the three and creates pain to get there (the roads, etc) and doesnt heal my pain once i get there. the hospital is in woody's back yard (literally) and well...they can make me feel better. he drives me over and we walk in.

im a disaster. they admit me and leave woody in the waiting area. they have me put a robe on and take the urine test...the guy had to come in and get me cause i wanted to puke...didnt tho. he then proceeds to try to take a blood sample from my hand. doesnt work so he stans me another...oh 2 times to get blood and then put an iv in. after the iv drip gets going im still in pain since there is nothing to help that pumping through my system. that isnt delivered until woody comes walking through the which point for some unknown reason i just start crying...ugh. he stays by my side the whole time....telling me its gonna be ok.

they decide that due to me blood count (white cells that should be at most 13 for me is up to 18) and where the pain is they want to take my appendix out since i have the pain, the nausea, etc to warrant at least a scoping in the stomach to see whats going on. they put me in another room and prep me for surgery. i ask for a blessing and the calls go out to my HTs and bishopric since i had....10 mins until surgery. woody then asks what kind of blessing i want...a comfort or a healing one? ....a comfort one i say. he laughs and only need one person for that and the nurse suggested that there are several in the hospital that are able to give a blessing. ...i turn to woody and ask "well cant you do it?" ...there was a slight pause, a smile and "yes...i can do it." the HTs get there and jesse and woody give me a blessing...the HTs left and woody looked at me and thanked me for asking him to do it. (i didnt say it but...silly thing, of course i wanted him to do it....)

so there is this thing that i do to woody and well some people laugh at it when one of us mentions it but...idk its just something that i started doing for him one day. he has hands that dry and crack easily especially here in cedar. so now i carry a lotion in my purse that doesnt smell girly so that if i catch him like that i just massage his hands (lotion included). i know from personal experience in bro wheelers class (us girls had to have something to do i class lol) that it feels amazing. we were waiting for me to be taken for surgery we were holding hands and thats when i felt it. dry, cracked hands. i had nothing to do and well...i wanted to take care of him. i asked him to hand me my lotion please and his face.....he just stared at me. a "no" came out. cant say i was too surprised but honestly..ugh. i wanted to. he told me to chill and relax. "here you are laying in a hospital bed and about to go into surgery and youre worried about wanting to take car of me. man did i pick a good one." lol, i guess i just dont see it that way. just second nature. i wanted to make sure he was all set lol and i had nothing else to do...ah well. after the "i love yous" and "ill see you in a little bits" were said, i was wheeled into surgery.

i woke up and ...well woody wasnt there. i knew he had things that he wanted to get done while i was in surgery but i cant say it didnt effect me that he wasnt there when i woke up. i couldne see straight and went back to sleep. woke up a little while later to woody next to me and...if i remember right my roomies on the other side of me (i was still out of it). i believe it was the next time that i actually woke up and talked to the nurse and woody. i have 3 holes from the surgery. two from the scopes...(they also filled me with CO2 to have room to see inside) and then another whole in my bellybutton to pull the appendix out. (found out appendix wasnt even bad).

laying there in bed...talking to woody...he hangs his head over the bed, kisses my hand and says..."taking care of you...i never thought i would even fall this fast for anyone but i did. i thought i loved you then but caring for you like this...being here by your falling in love even more." about speechless and humbling. lets just was an effort to not cry. until that moment i had wondered what he thought of me in the hospital like this. to see me as this wreck. to know medically im a mess inside (its ok...i found out the same time he did). i had appreciated everything he had done...everything...from the help and the arm to walk, the hand to hold as i fell asleep, to forcing food down my throat when i was in pain in his arms....lets just say with my past, im not really accustomed to that. ive heard of unconditional love...once upon a time i thought i had that. i was was just another conditional love. this? ive been going on dates with woody since valentines day and have been "officially dating" aka...boyfriend/girlfriend since...hawaii. which means we've only been official for a little over a month and a half i guess? (ill finish this tangent in another post...ive been meaning to anyways). all in all? i look at him all the time and ask myself how i got so i got someone so great to date...someone that is here for still surprises me sometimes. im a lucky gal.

so woody was talking to ian (sigma chi brother) and he and some guys are coming over to see us and asks if theres anything we need. actually yes. im a girl ok? i ask if they can grab me some underwear for when i finally get to go home. i wish i could have seen their faces when they heard that lol. so woody calls my roommates and they agree. ...they have no clue what kind i want...they agree on comfy ones lol (aw come on...they all are). ...then the they just hand underwear to the guys or do they stick it in something? well a victorias secret bag appears and they make it halfway downstairs when they decide they want to add a note to my present..."dont get your panties all in a bunch! love carlie, jane, and molly" gotta love em lol. in the meantimes the guys are downstairs asking girls walking by if they have any underwear....oh my. so the girls hand them the bag, the guys hand the girls a cup of soup (are you terribly surprised?) and they take off. they show up in the hospital and my nurse tells me just say the word and she can throw the "hooligans" out and winks lol. she was great. well...i hear the guys discuss the trauma of their manliness for carrying a victorias secret bag around...(oh man. you just wait. one day youll be soooo excited but i digress...).

a bouquet of flowers from woody was given to me, cards from the guys present and another card from all of sigma chi, toblerones, quite a few jokes and many laughs....oh and apparently quite a few from sigma chi and delta psi wanted to stop by and say hey but woody thought they wouldnt all fit lol. (but thanks for the thought everyone!!) i wondered aloud how so many people knew about me in the hospital and well...think about it. greek system. church. roomies. dorms. hit the rotc grapevine and youre complete lol. according to ian "woody is kind of a big deal on campus" so of course news that his girlfriend is in the hospital will get around. the guys left.

madre and woody chatted it up a few times. i think she likes this one ;) thats always nice. seeing how she doesnt like the guys i date....until after i break up with them usually. weird. oh well. in fact i think he mentioned something about beating me...(im sure thatll brighten her up. jk...kinda lol) i think she's mostly surprised that he didnt run off during all this. "why would i leave the woman i love?" he didnt day it to her...but after the fact? he wished he had. ah well. some other time. anyways....night time. i slept off and on and when i was awake would usually just lay there watching him...he would drift off sometimes. poor thing. i was ruining his sleep for the second night in a row and well...lets just say he isnt used to being the person in the chair...he couldnt sleep. he lloks so cute when he drifts off...well and sleeps...and general. he did homework and studies for a final he had the next day. i think he finally got to sleep sometimes around 4ish? im not sure...i sorta woke up when he left to go to his classes. was in and out of breakfast which was good and then the doc came in to talk to me.

my appendix hadnt been bad but to avoid confusion of pain in the future he had taken it had been swollen. they did nothing about the kidney stones. the thing he was worried about was my guts. oh it goes. my colon...nowhere near the size and placement within my body it should be. its supposed to be in a nice square around my intestines up near my ribs-ish. mine sit in my pelvis. great. needless to say this causes problems. doc said he was gonna clear me to be discharged whenever woody got back to the hospital. i was keeping food down, my pain was down, i was dizzy or anything. my white blood cell count was up to 20 or 22 which means it had gone up since they had removed my appendix and with no reason for infection, that just isnt normal but since everything else looked good they were gonna release me anyways.

woody showed up, took me to dq for some free blizzard and then on to walmart for more pills. lets just say i think i have enough lortabs to last me a lifetime. i lived off 4 after i was hit in the head last summer and ok ive used way more than that in the past 48 hours but oh well. after walmart woody and i meet up with ian and some of his buddies at taco bell. i grab a small chicken soft taco and water. after that i crawl into my bed and with pills in the system...pass out. woody stops by later that night to say goodnight...i dont really remember much...i was too drugged honestly. i wake up every 4-8 hrs depends on how many lortabs i had downed the previous pill popping time and take more with some water and a slice of my "favorite! plain, untoasted bread" as said by woody lol. woke up around 7 with was weird cause it was too early for more pills...after waking up a good 2 hours later on the floor against the toilet i took more pills, crawled in bed, and promptly lost everything from the fresh pills to my chicken taco from the day before. tried the pills again and this time tried water and bread again. thankfully the pills stayed in this time even though nothing else did. i crawled in bed on an empty stomach at 10 in the morning. i do nothing but sleep all day. nothing to eat. nothing to drink.

woody stops by when he finally wakes up and makes sure im ok. he tries to get me to drink some fluids and well...even he couldnt get me to. he heads to the institute closing social since he's on the council and supposed to be there. mom calls in the afternoon and well....demands i go to the hospital again. im dehydrated. i cant see straight. i can barely walk straight. i had narcotics on an empty stomach. i think im blocked since nothing is passing or getting digested it seems...text him that the roomies are taking me...he shows up with blake (a sig brother-think skinnier, smaller talyor lautner looking kid...the one that plays jake in twilight and thats what he looks like...which speaking of which i need to ask which roomie likes him cause im sure something happened in that waiting room lol).

my initial guy was a jokester lol...he said he worked as a stand up comedian sometimes down in vegas. let me just say this guy had me laughing...which hurt of course.
1"why is an infiniti called that?"
"cause thats how long you make payments on it"
2"so i was drivin down the road one day and it felt like i hit something...i got out and this guy was yelling at him telling me i had crashed into his car. confused i asked him what he drove"
"a mirage!"
"well sir...thats your problem. i couldnt see it. you should have a least it would have moved out of the way!"
after that woody came in and we had a nice greek encounter in the ER...timian was the one that drew blood (alpha phi..i think. dont quote me on that). jantzen volunteers there on the weekend and is chi phi(?). the vlood tech was delta psi i believe. so that was all fun....they had a hard time getting me to even bleed since i was so dehydrated.

off for xrays and the guy and i chatted a bit. thing is-the whole i can graduate in 2 years only happens if i pass my classes this semester and with exam this close and such im a bit worried about it. im sure i could do summer classes since a few of them are and not worry...not deal with 19 credits every semester until i graduate grad early? sure would be nice...well anyways he and i were talking about schooling. he asked where i was from and what i was studying. upon hearing me say ag he asked if i was going to be doing like the state ag commerce thing. i told him no. he said he asked because he worked a second job as pest control and you have to go in and take tests to be able to stay up to date and such. he had been jealous of my graduate early deal and had said i hope you fail...jokingly of course...and was now worried that i might someday be his supervisor down in the ag dept. lol

all was fairly well. my white blood cell count was back down and nothing other than fluids would do me the most good. they sent me home and home i came. woody forced a cup of juice down me after i took some pills and most of a cup of yogurt. after he left i had a slice of bread and an anti-nausea pill too...laid down to watch csi, house, and miami medical...all in hopes i would fall asleep. nada. here i am...its almost 7 in the morning and im still wide awake. ...i just hope im asleep before he stops by in a little. (he has my id card so he can get in the building since im not exactly going anywhere)


my exciting monday

k truth? yes its saturday morning. today is the 24th....and yes its 435 as i start tying this entry. two songs plating over and over and over for the last hour and prolly until i finish writing tonight. ill blame the songs on woody ;) he mentioned em to me today...too bad they had already been on my mind for a while. definitely good songs in general and well...for him and me. he even said so himself. the songs are: gimmie that girl- joe nichols and then- brad paisley. good stuff. sunday i make it to my ward!! i know...first time in a while. normally i miss my ward and just go to church with woody...well i get to sacrament with mols and jane...we sit down but not too long after that i just cant make it. i feel sick and head to the bathroom. nothing comes up but i sit there and then go lay on the couch in the hall. mols comes to check on me and brings me my phone and cheerios (the ones id gotten from woody...even tho it made me feel like a lil kid to have cheerios in church). after a bit i felt sick again...while falling asleep over the toilet i text jane to have sis whittaker, my HT, and the bishop to see me after sacrament. sis whittaker helped me out of the bathroom and we got set up for a blessing in the kitchen in a nice cushy chair. i was then presented with a 3 liter jug of apple cider to go home with after the blessing. the girls drove me home and i proceeded to sleep much of the day away.

monday rolls around and i go to my classes and make an appointment with the urologist for tuesday afternoon. pain is bearable and i go through more stuff to throw out and sort...etc.

then life gets interesting....

Monday, April 19, 2010

the great double date (HA!)

i had lots of things i wanted to get done saturday. it was my luck that i would get the stupid kidney stones before exams and moving...i literally stayed in bed from the time i got home from the hospital until i went with mols to walmart to fill out the prescription (ibuprofen and lortabs). once i got back, took a dose and hit the bed again. woody called and i hopped in the shower since i knew i was gross. he stopped by once i was ready we headed over to his place so he could take a shower...while he was doing that i made us some sandwiches and we ate an entire jar of peaches (which were delicious by the way). i took another dose of pills so i wouldnt hurt on the ride.

we pulled up to kevins place with the horses and he and i headed out to grab the horses. took a lil while but one they were cornered we caught em and just threw them in the trailer...grabbed blankets and bridles. loaded the dog in the truck bed and the four of us piled in the truck. once getting to three peaks, we unloaded the horses, threw blankets on em and hopped on. woosy was behind me on spider (the old skinny gelding) and kevin and his date (hollie from our horsemanship class) rode rose the young qh. we stayed together for the most part on the ride out. we headed towards the sunset in the hopes of seeing it, but after crossing hill after hill after hill...that didnt happen...especially when climbing up one certain hill both kevin and hollie fell off the horse. woody hopped down to make sure they were ok while i tried to grab rose and make sure she didnt run off.

upon failure of seeing a nice sunset from horseback (there was just another hill in the way....) we started heading back. well spider just wanted to get back to the trailer and honestly trotting was not something either woody or i wanted to do even with a blanket on his bony withers. well kev and hollie didnt stick around for us and since they were in front of us and he is native to cedar we figured they would be can tell from that simple line that was nowhere near how it went huh? good job.

it was about an hour after sunset when woody and i made it back to the truck and trailer. (i had been fighting an anxious, spooked, and head tossing horse the entire time back). there was no horse in the trailer and no people in the truck. great. i dont have my phone and woody doesnt have either of their phone numbers. we head back down some of the dirt road a bit...just to see if we can hear them...we cant. we turn around and at this point im worried something couldve happened to spooked, one of them hurt...anything. its dark and its getting cold fast. woody looked in the truck for a flashlight...nothing. while he was looking around he heard a buzzing sound. hollie had left her phone in the truck and kevin was calling it. after talking for a sec on the phone...everyone was just fine and they should meet us soon back where we were. load up spider in the trailer and he starts freakin out. woody and i sit in the truck just waiting.

....k so woody says this just has to be put in here. as we were sitting in the truck waiting..i farted. he heard it. hey it happens ok? its a natural bodily function lol. we all do it, just most of the time we keep it quiet right? well this one slipped under the radar and was heard. he just laughed and said "well i guess we just reached a whole new level in our relationship! (some laughing and then...) this has got to go in the blog!!" i think its kinda funny that he tels me to put things in sometimes.....i prolly would anyways but its just cute....or how he quotes me. yup. he does. i swear lol.

back to the story after many frustrating convos on the phone to figure out where in the world they were to no avail i asked woody if he wanted to talk to kevin since i apparently had no clue about anything. short part to this section that in real life hour and a half to finally get everyone in one place...kevin had no clue where he was. his directions were abominable. his manners to both me and woody, but to me especially were severely lacking and i honestly? i wanted to punch him in the face and leave him on the side of the road by the end of the night. when it was all figured out....he had left hollie with his dog and the horse blanket on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere at 10 at night. he was running with the horse to some main road so that we could be told to drive some road in the hopes that we saw him.

left his date. in the dark on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. his dog? a coward. one he hopped in the drivers seat he started driving like a mad man. we actually slid across the road towards the ditch with a horse trailer (that had no lights on it). by this point my pain meds had worn off and well....i wanted to get away from stupid people. the ride back woody said i "disappeared." im sure i did. it took more than just a second to throw a smile on and move on from that while still sitting in that truck. finally threw one on tho and things were just....well much better.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

my 4am ER adventure

ok so technically it all began earlier then that, but 4am was when the ER became prominent in this tale.

around lunch time my stomach started hurting and just progressively got worse and worse. it moved from all over abdominal pain to acute, severe pain in my lower right abdominal corner. it hurt to walk, to laugh, to cough...i was not a happy camper. woody picked me up and around then my stomach stopped hurting. dont ask me why, i dont know. sadly his presence didnt stop the coughing...

around midnightish when woody was getting ready to leave my stomach started hurting again...after waving to him out the window when he was at his truck i got down off my bed...fell on the floor from pain and couldnt get up. excruciating pain was shooting through me. every cough felt like i would bust something or rip in two. (now i have a high tolerance for takes a lot to make me even moan in pain). this? i was practically screaming. mols walked into the room and asked if i was ok...if i needed anything. i couldnt even talk. i cccould only hold a finger up to signal "give me a sec." after a few more minutes on the ground i was able to sit up and then to finally stand. molly got me some aspirin and water and then i went and got ready for bed. every cough i had made me freeze in place with a grimace or brought me to my knees...something was seriously wrong and i knew it. i crawl in bed and tried to get to sleep...i was tossing and turning in pain, but the tossing and turning only made it hurt worse. nothing i did could make it feel better..

i finally fall asleep around 1:30-2ish and wake up at 3:30 from the pain. clenching my stomach i silently screamed in pain with tears in my eyes. i knew what i should do but was i gonna do it? i wanted to call mom. i was afraid it was my appendix and that it was gonna burst. mi madre had hers out about 10 years ago and so i called her up at 4 in the morning (so 5am for her)...i told her where i hurt, how i hurt, and the fact that when i walked i was nauseous...she told me to go the hospital...i said ok and hung up. i crawl back in bed and try to see if itll go away. needless to say it doesnt...i sit up and try to blow my nose and when i couldnt even do that from the pain...i woke mols up and asked if we could go to the she said yes and so we (more like mols stand next to me and i just try to not fall or get sick). there was a group chillin in the 1st floor lounge...apparently they hadnt gone to sleep yet...and upon mols' announcement that we were going to the ER were...silent.

it was painful to ride in the car...i didnt car about cold or warm air...i just wanted to not hurt. we get in, i check in and they take us inside the ER section. did the usual urine analysis (yes this is relevant to the story). after sitting in the room for a minute, the nurse comes in telling me to put a robe on and that once im done he'll be back for a blood test and an IV. once the blood is drawn and an IV done he tells me im getting narcotics for the pain and that ill feel funny once it hits my whole system. wow...he wasnt kidding. i can always tell where the stuff is cause i can feel it run through the veins but this stuff? once it hit my chest and lungs i was done. it felt like a horse was sitting on my chest and that someone had just swirled the room and mixed my brain in with it. i swear my first thought was angie (amy poehler) from baby mama in the hospital when she says "this is good, whats the street name for this stuff?" i felt like that. sadly it only lasted a few minutes in my system. around this time is when i call answer. so i leave a voicemail and a text. of course he calls back while im getting an ultrasound...

but before the ultrasound...i got a lovely story from mols. sadly i didnt record it on my phone but i do remember some of it. ill share the highlights.
"once upon a time there was this girl...named rachel. this girl loved going to the hospital for the lovely IV drugs. she knew this guy named grant that loved to walk in on naked people...nothing pornish just...he was just weird like that. well one day they both tried walking into a room that had what they liked and wham! they were transported into an alternate universe!! there was the chuck-e-cheeses but you could actually see all the gross germs on the toys, the workers, and the pizza. rachel was on one side of the alternate universe and grant was on the other side. grant met some people and asked how come they always have clothes on. "because if we take our clothes off we turn into donkeys! ...and sometimes you even see little donkey babies running around" grant asked how they have kids.. "you dont want to know." (have i told you mols makes some funny/crazy stories? lol). so anyways the people in this universe dont get hungry...ever. rachel was looking for a hospital and the people said they dont need one in this universe because when they get sick they just eat the gross chuck-e-cheese pizza and get more sick..well rachel finds a hospital and says she is sick and that she needs some drugs. well the doctor agrees and comes back with a huge cottonball and tries shoving it down her mouth! she runs out of the building and telepathically connected to grant so that they could find each other. she tells him to not move and she will be there soon. well while grant was waiting all this food was right in front of him but everytime he reached for disappeared!! then this huge delicious looking burger got close but grant acted like he didnt want it. so the burger got closer and closer and started talking! it was taunting grant and finally grant took a huge bite out it and all of a sudden these huge rock cops came out of the ground and dragged grant away. when rachel gets to where he was, she couldnt find him. she asks her unicorn friends to help her and they find grant. thing is tho, they dont want to go back to their universe. they want to rule over this one! so rachel becomes the queen and names the place grantsville, utah where grant is a lord over it all. the end.
(yes, she really told this to me...with more detail of course...)

(yes you will be getting the whole have been warned). apparently one of the doctors was worried it might be a cyst on my ovaries. at this point i was praying "please no, please not this..." well the lady had a really hard time finding my uterus in the first place...much less find a good angle to see it from. so when that technique failed we had to go to another way. i got probed. this way worked apparently. apparently i hide my uterus behind my bladder towards my back...nothing wrong with that. it just makes it difficult for doctors a lot of times supposedly. head back to the room. chill there for a little bit.

apparently the ultrasound didnt give them any answers as to why i was in pain. the next test to steal me away from mols and the warm comfy bed was a CT scan of my abdomen. i about feel asleep is was so nice and peaceful. anyways...apparently they could see my undigested pills in my stomach...had to explain all that stuff. so thankfully this one gave them an answer that works for them...hopefully its the full and correct answer. i have a kidney stone. i know. so exciting. painful? most definitely. anothe doc walks in and tells me all this and then asks if there is anyway i could be pregnant. "are you sure?" yes. besides the fact that you just had two different ultrasounds, a CT scan, a blood test, and that im on my period right now doesnt scream not pregnant? well anyways he wants me to take a test anyways just so he could "get to sleep better tonight"...he walks back in and says they had already taken one from that urine analysis from earlier. he smiled and said, "Congratulations!! you are not pregnant!" gee thanks doc...i was sooo worried. anyways they did give me more drugs that actually seem to be working so far thank goodness. im pretty sure the kidney stone thing is something i inherited though be sure that i will do what i can to not get anymore so long as i can help it. i walk out of the hospital with papers, two prescriptions to fill (yay more drugs ill never finish off), filters, and a cup. oh goody.

mols and i get outside and wait for woody to show up before he heads out to work at the ranch in parawon. so long as im not in pain and i feel up to it, that double date should still be on for tonight. needless to say i had scared woody that i was in the hospital (he had been worried about me yesterday and i just kept saying ill be fine...ill be fine. guess he had a right to be worried huh?) so after he leaves, mols and i head to mcdonalds. while in the hospital bed i craved a mcgriddle (i like em ok?) so we stopped there and i grabbed one. told madre about my adventure i had gone through after calling her...and here i sit typing this and downing water like crazy...its nap time. im tired.

Friday, April 16, 2010

blah. blah.

oh to believe liars. i dont. here is the situation. first off--i feel like crap today. honest to goodness. people wont think im sick tho cause i kinda dressed up today...just a skirt and such but still it isnt usual for me to do this. anyways...i feel horrible and nothing is making my poor stomach feel better. its an overcast day today. now to top it off? i have to text my ex. yes sadly the word "have" is the truth. after we broke up i mailed him his stuff shortly afterwards. i have since asked multiple times nicely for him to mail me my stuff. i even said send it to me care of and ill pay for it. at that point he had said he had already mailed it off. that was the beginning of last week. still nothing. trust me, ive checked. once again, i text him today asking him to get me my stuff in the mail asap or when i came home next week ill stop by and take everything that is mine. that is definitely not something i want to do. id rather avoid him and such but im really just sick and tired of asking for it back. there is no point in him having it all...the things im asking for are things like half a bathing suit, shorts, a dress, and last but certainly not least my senior yearbook. i just want it back.

another dilemma? with the money ill earn this summer ive already promised mom i would give her a vacation since she certainly needs one and deserves one. here comes the next thing regarding what i make. i mean obviously ill pay tithing and savings but a vacation for spring break or buy a cheap jeep or truck...i cant do both. my major requires that im at the suu farm a lot and thats 5 miles away...doesnt sound far but to walk or bike still takes a fair amount of time. add in the weather here in cedar and a vehicle becomes almost mandatory to go that far for a class. decisions decisions...i guess ill just have to figure that out when i figure out how much ill even make..

Thursday, April 15, 2010

mucinex-D is a miracle drug

thank goodness im in the "18 or over" category. seriously. life is so much better being "legal." (yes of course that poses the question legal for what...but who cares right?) anyways, ive had this head cold/allergy combo that has been kicking my butt for the last two weeks or so. at first it was a sore throat, probably from post nasal drip (yum). anyways...the throat got to feeling better after a short while thankfully but then it moved into my ears and nose. sinus cold. perfect. i had sworn id bought sudafed last semester and couldnt have used it all already but i couldnt find it. so today upon asking a friend if i could borrow his car and putting gas in it i went to walmart....and i got a box of mucinex-D. i had been trying to decide if i wanted mucinex or sudafed more and then to find out i can get a combo? perfecto!!! (speaking of which.....i need some more...)

i have begun the process of throwing out junk i have here in cedar (youd be so proud mom). i seriously just have stuff here that i look at and think...what was i thinking?! anyways im throwing things out. everything from papers and such to possibly some clothes. i think about this as i look at the mess of a room i sit in right now...but honestly? when i go through stuff its definitely not neat and orderly. i try to go through one section at a time but never quite works that way. ah well.

so apparently the whole finishing school in school years? its still gonna happen. i was talking to lee, my horsemanship prof, and asked about the practicum on the requirements to get the equine studies associates...the practicum? what is that you ask? well pretty much i can get college credit for working on the ranch this summer. ya....that awesome...ill go and start the paperwork for that tomorrow morning but i just have to keep a journal over the summer and have the bosses confirm stuff at the end of the summer so this is seriously the best major ever!

sidenote: can i just say that im gonna sit here for a sec and applaud myself. washed the hair, put product in it and but it in two side braids...(i look like such a little kid like this). went to class like this and of course this is the day lee takes pics of us out on the trail. as soon as class is out, i take the hair down to get a "wind-blown" look. get back and seriously have to not smell like horse, change, and put some form of make-up on and run across campus to get to a dinner all in a matter of 15 mins. i made it. with a few minutes to spare. BAM!!

anyways...i need to clean up some before woody stops by for another surprise adventure (he never tells me what we are going to do until we do it...which honestly? i like. i like the little things. the little surprises. so who knows whatll happen, but its guaranteed to be fun and lovely as per the norm). so later...ive got someone to attend to ;)

a headlight, dinner, and stolen yogurt

yesterday was a non-stop action packed day until we got to st george...thankfully my psych class was cancelled today so class? psh. nothing until 4 and then im go go go again cause as soon as im outa horsemanship i have to rush back here and then change for the rotc dinner tonight and then get there....

so anyways...yesterday. woke up and my suspicions were confirmed...mother nature stopped by in the middle of the night. she's such a dear isnt she? take care of that and then cramps hit me. perfect. i hadnt had any in a while so it was definitely painful. threw on a hoodie and warmed a hot pack and wrapped it around my belly since i had a meeting with my college advisor. got my classes sorted out and registered for next semester. i grabbed some breakfast and headed to the health clinic. my prescription is almost out and so i wanted to take care of that before summer time. i was just gonna make an appt but they had time and took care of me on the spot. once that was done headed to rotc to make sure of the attire for the evening from judy. yes its church attire aka semi-formal. i stayed and chatted about the usual...(horsemanship). she's in the same class only on an earlier day so i can kind of know what to expect on the quizzes. head back to the dorms to change items and cool off (i was burning up) and grab my stuff for history class.

once class was over, copied the notes and headed to lunch. only had a bowl of sticky rice with salt and a cup of water. called mom on the way back to the dorms and well...i kinda snapped at her a few times. i was trying to ask of there were other foods that had potassium in them besides foods i cant eat and foods they dont serve in the dining hall. sadly they dont have potassium in the vitamins i take as it is like i thought they did. i miss my greens aka collard greens, turnip greens, the entire year of foods at the dining hall i could count on one hand how many times they have served those types of greens. anywats...a body knows what it needs...i could tell i needed aspirin, potassium, and water. i wont get into me snapping. it felt weird gonna blame that on the period and stupid hormones. i needed laundry done so i sorted super fast and just did two big loads and headed straight to biology with jane and carlie showed up soon after that. great class as usual but i booked it back to the dorms to move laundry from washer to the dryer and after that sat and planned out the next two of school on paper...if all goes well i can graduate in two years...which means i can be done with all of college and graduate with a bachelors within 3 years of starting college. super excited about that!! called madre up and apologized and told her my news...and she wants me to double major or pick up a minor right since i cut a whole year out of my schooling.....what?! sounds good BUT i was getting out of school early...sorry. i would rather not extend it longer then i want to.

ran and checked the dryers....colors and whites werent dry yet but i pulled the towels and jeans out and jumped in the shower. got out, threw some clothes on and got the clothes out of the dryer, brought em to my room, grabbed what i wanted from the bag, got dressed and at this point have about 10 mins until woody picks me up...crap. blow dry the hair, lotion, shoes, threw on a little bit of makeup and ran out to woody and his truck after yes, leaving my room a disaster area. we put some air in the tires, got some gas and hit the road towards st he and i had talked about me getting a skirt...more than likely a white pencil skirt. i have a black one hips are just not built for the skirt anymore. we stopped at kohls to have a look at clothes. nothing there. we went to target...looked, saw a dress and a white pencil skirt...sadly the skirt didnt fit right but the dress? perfect! then decision time the dress or head somewhere else and if we dont find what we're looking for then come back to target and hope the dress was still there (it was the only one of its size left). well woody said we could get it, and if we find something better we could bring it back...sounded good to me so thats what we did. we get to the register and before i could even open my wallet, he paid for it...apparently this was my very late birthday present. "im not missing you birthday again. not next year, or the year after, or the next, or the next...." hm... well we headed to ross to see if we could find something else....found a nice black and white skirt there and we get to the checkout. its rung up and well...since he got distracted by a nickel on the floor i beat him to the punch and paid for this one. apparently he was supposed to buy that one cause he says he owes my now...(silly boy no you dont. you dont owe me a thing. i promise.) oh drats..that reminds me i was supposed to leave the lotion in his truck. call him spoiled or me the spoiler but his hands crack and well i have a tendency to just do pack lotion that isnt girly smelling and massage his hands (ya ya i know...oh well)

we get to house, greeted by the dogs and sit down to a delicious dinner. seriously...its rather refreshing to sit down to a family dinner. the dining hall is nice and usually serves good stuff but i miss sitting around the table with a family. it was nice. the food was yummy and the company? sincere and inclusive. after dinner, cleaned up a bit and headed to the grandparents house down the street...oddly enough? grandpa reminded me of mine in illinois...even said the exact line grampa says "oh im easy to get along with." apparently i didnt blush? it was cute ok. im used to "old" people. ive got a story or two that would curl your hair tho *shudder.* thats probably why it was difficult to make me blush. its odd to think that i didnt even think of my paternal grandparents...guess it kinda makes since tho...theyve been gone for several years at the latest.

so anyways, we get back...chit chat, talk rifles..etc. you know the norm. lol. so we head back to cedar and we hadnt even made it out of st george and two cop cars hit their lights to pull us over. we just laugh cause we know what its about...the left front light has a short in it and usually is out unless you hit the cover. so anyways...the usual registration and id deal...came back super fast and this time with his buddy up by my window and asked if there were any weapons in the car...uh ya. there was a 12 gauge in the back seat with no ammo present...he asks again..."no handguns?" cause i see you dont have a concealed carry permit and looks like you have a handgun case in the back seat too....
w: "oh, no thats the cleaning kit for the shotgun."
cop: "ok, well have a nice night"

we continue on our way. we hit the freeway and after a little ways a highway patrolman sitting in the middle lane pulls out after we pass by. (you know where this is going dont ya). so he takes a while deciding if its worth it and then finally catches up to us...we pull into the right lane. he's right on our butt. he hits the lights. we laugh and groan at the same time. its already midnight and at this point just want to make it home before 1 in the morning. . we pull over and he comes up to my window...same spiel over again...we told him we had just been pulled over in st george and were just on our way home from his brothers birthday.
cop: "did he give you a ticket?"
w: "no.."
cop: "k. dont go anywhere. ill be right back with your stuff after i check it all out"
w: (after the cop walks away) "at this rate if we get pulled over every 10 mins, we'll be lucky to be home before 2.....this has to go in the blog!!"
i just laugh at him...cop comes back. woody got a warning out of it and we went on our merry way. finally got back. he walks me up to my door and "those magnets" (he quotes me now...great lol. i dont mind...its funny) made it hard for him to leave. i swear i tried kicking him out (sorta). i like him being here but i know he needs the sleep...he finally leaves and i crawl in bed.

wake up? room is a disaster...ok so its still a disaster but as soon as i woke up i went to grab one of my yogurts in the fridge from down the hall....i had put my name on each one and such...but where two were supposed to be, there was only one. i had bought 3-vanilla, banana cream pie, and key lime pie. i had already eaten the banana one...wanna guess which one was stolen? my key lime pie. of course. ugh. i eat my yogurt and have simply only sat here and written this ridiculously long post. great. im gonna grab some lunch and then get ready for the dinner tonight even though i have horsemanship first...i got this.

hm...maybe ill clean my room up. now theres an idea....anywats...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

a new type of adventure

**i now know that people do in fact read this blog. its nice but at the same time? can be intimidating. but? well im just gonna keep writing like i have been. maybe a few less punctuation and spelling mistakes (no guarantees), but how this blog is gonna go, should be the same**

woke up to my usual morning text before 8 today and...promptly fell back asleep. woke up, got ready for the day...thought about wearing shorts...didnt. time frame? 12. i went to class. (it was warm and sunny outside). 1250. copied my notes in the student services center. 1255. grabbed some lunch. 115. walked outside. (it was cloudy, windy, and freezing). 130. raindrops are felt. 145. it started raining lightly. 150. it started raining harder. 153. it was sleeting. and by was snowing. gotta love cedar city...ugh.

my surprise in the day started when woody and two of his brothers came and ate dinner with me tonight. as we're grabbing some salad, woody says that he had talked to his dad and that he had mentioned something about a blog and his mom crying when she read a certain entry. i froze. i didnt want to hear anymore. my first thoughts were that they had said something about what i had written and ruining...well something. throughout dinner i sat and thought about what he had said...what kind of cry was it? is it the post i think it is? what do they think of it? whats woody gonna say when he finds out?

when i head to the library to work on some psych notes i stop at the computer to check my blog out real fast...sure enough it was the post i thought it was...i reread it prolly two or three times and ya know what? i cried when i read it...every single time. i see woody when he gets out of the chapter meeting and after he left i text him telling him that i had reread it and that i too had cried.

the roomies and i go to walmart...we all needed stuff. laughs and such were numerous...talked to madre. oh! speaking of madre i talked to my boss this morning...she was asking when i would be getting to the ranch, how i was getting there etc. told her all of that and asked if it was alright that woody stay the night since we would get to the ranch in the evening...and im not gonna kick him out the next day. we'll explore the ranch...he wants to go riding if possible...and he can leave the friday that i start working. i hadnt been back long from walmart when woody called saying he would be over in a few minutes...

as soon as he walks in the door he tells me that he wants to read the post. he told me that he had talked to his mom and she had told him that he should read combined with me telling him i had cried when i had read my own post...he really wanted to read it. the look of horror on my face did nothing to stop him. i tried going.."no, you dont wanna read it...really. its ok. you dont need to. no honestly its do it. its dont wanna..." needless to say that didnt work. him: "i could always get the link from my did they find out you had a blog before i even did?" ;) so i scroll to the post and try walking out of the room...that didnt happen. he grabbed me and sat me down on his lap while he began to read...

he pauses half-way through the second paragraph. he look at me and asks if i have something to say before he reads anymore. if not, then he will wait to read it later when i want him to read it. i literally sat there forever after he said that. i didnt look at him, i didnt say anything. i sat and asked myself if it was the right time...thats when i realized ever since he had mentioned my blog that i hadnt been scared of saying anything...i was ready. i felt peace...and ready. granted it took a few times to start up to say what was coming but once i knew it was alright to say it...i said it. "ive been falling in love with you." looking back i wanna say i was scared for his response but honestly? i wasnt scared. not at all. i just sat there. a slight pause between the two of us and his response came...quiet, but self-assured. "good because ive been falling for you for a long time. ... you know? its kinda weird to say it, feels so right" (didnt say anything but man...that was so true. it does feel right). pause here to say that when i write things in a churchy way that i dont want to come off as "oh, its meant to be." do i believe in that policy? not sure. its just interesting to lay out everything and then to backtrack and see all the connections...example. i got woodys number because last minute, kayla was leaving town early and couldnt take me to the airport the next day for me to get home on christmas break. (he took me to the airport the next day. she brought it up today...and she was right. i wouldnt have even had his number if it wasnt for that).

the colorado trip was talked about...found out his mom is offering to let us use her car instead of his truck...(since i was the one paying for gas? thank you. seriously). we'll leave earrrly wednesday morning, hit moab on the way up, grand junction, and be in parshall by dinner time. it will be perfect. a great trip with a great guy. i cant wait for the trip, but it sucks even more now to have to leave woody behind in cedar this summer. he told me though that we will still be dating in the fall when i get back...that we'll see how this all works out.

now that he's been in my head by way of reading my blog, he says "now i see from what way youre coming from." in fact one question he had for me was "so if i gained 60 lbs of belly and such, you would still love me?" "yes" i said. "ill always love you." a few minutes later i bust out laughing...he asks what was so funny and i said well i was just picturing you as the fat old man with the gut and... well thats a healthy boy! ...laughter exploded from both of us and was priceless.

he doesnt believe ive ever been a bad cook...just ask my mom. im baaaaddd. unless im cooking for him..its weird. speaking of madre my flight itinerary for heading home and flying back after exams are done...itll be weird to be home. and storage. drats. i need to find a place to store my bike for the summer along with some things that im not taking to colorado but want for next school year...any ideas? cheap climate controlled storage units anyone? help or suggestions greatly wanted. also i signed the contract and paid the deposit on the apartments i will be living in next semester...not too shabby for all the amenitites plus in walking distance? works just fine for me. anyways its waaayyy past my bed time so off to bed.

short story to my long post? it has now been said face to face...i love him. and he loves me. :) we got this.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

im a hick because....

so its official. im classified as a hick.

~i grew up in tennessee
~i grew up no more than 17 miles from the kentucky border
~directions to my house consisted of "pass the beer box, then the dump and pappy's beer place...go down the hill and when you see the school bus sign, start slowing out for stray dogs and random kids in the street
~when a dog down the street is named after a tractor (kubota and kb...short for kubota's brother)
~when the neighbors duck thinks its a dog
~i wear boots more than shoes or flip-flops...and by boots i mean all 4 different pairs and in all weather
~my nicknames include- "tennessee" or "boots"
~i say and write the word "yall"
~i have an accent
~i supposedly got the burn on my arm from touching the copper pipes on my moonshine still
~ive eaten squirrel, deer, and snapping turtle
~i enjoy eating squirrel, deer, and snapping turtle
~for my eighth birthday i got a bow and arrows
~i own many firearms and have the phone number of the firing range in my phone
~ i have a john deere blanket
~i wear a chevy truck hat and a fox racing shirt at the same time
~i asked for a toolbox for my truck bed for christmas
~i have a horseshoe hanging on my wall along with a horse calendar and posters
~i have a map of local BLM land with mustang herds on it on my wall
~i get excited when i hear the budweiser clydesdales are coming to town
~i get excited when i think about going to cal ranch to look for wrangler jeans
~i own little boy flannel button up shirts
~i wanted to go the monster truck show in provo on valentines day
~my dream was to work on a ranch
~my favorite class involves dirt, horse hair, and pain
~ive changed my major to agriculture
~i hate it when my work boots get cleaned
~i go to dinner in muck and mud, covered in horse hair, and smelling horrible and afterwards? my boyfriend will still kiss me and hold my hand
~my first car was actually a truck
~i use the word trompin' (which means explorin' and walkin' through the woods)
~i cut off the "g" in words
~my grandparents live in " polecat holla"
~its a big deal to get gussied up
~ive been to dollywood (and didnt feel outa place)
~i love wings, pork rinds, mashed 'taters and gravy, fried foods, and fresh fish from the pond
~lock b is the place to go...shooting AND muddin'
~ive worn confederate flags to school
~i had a cb radio in my truck...and have had a trucker nickname for the road
~ive actually been boot scootin boogie-ing
~i can sing along to hank williams jr, johnny cash, cw mccall, and johnny horton
~i got excited when in history class, TVA popped up on the screen
~ive changed my oil and filter in my truck
~ive done the dukes of hazzard slide across the hood move
~hey yall watch this heralded free entertainment
~i own several belt buckles
~i know what chiggers are
~ive sat on a back porch and shot targets from the chair
~mom and i discuss guns and ammo over the phone at dinner time
~i had "custom" pedal extenders on my truck, knives hidden in the cab, and parachute cord hanging from the rearview mirror
~bbq/pulled pork is a great meal
~smokin barns are a common sight in the fall
~i own camo
~i love going barefoot
~i cried for my truck when i totaled it
~i know how nascar got started
~ive whittled a wooden spoon
**im bummed that i didnt make it to the mule day festival back home
**ive had a knife strapped to my thigh before
**ive participated in hatchet throws and have earned the title of "hatchet queen"
**shotguns are typical christmas presents
**ive gone outside to grab things for dinner
**i almost brought mom a live copperhead to her for mothers day
**i know the woods like the back of my hand
**ive owned a duct tape wallet
**ive carried duct tape in my purse (i carry every the purse)
**duct tape is a staple for travel (...for life actually)
**sweet tea. 'nuff said

...and im sure i could think of more...or people could think of more for me but i think this is long enough. as i hear more i may add them in.

**are additions

Friday, April 9, 2010

an everything post...

so yesterday in horsemanship? i was literally rubbed raw in the much sitting trotting and then loping? ouch. so i tell woody that i was on a palomino in class...upon asking what that was i simplified it by saying a blonde horse. ...there was a pause, a look, and then laughing ensued. he said "was that a good idea? a blonde horse and a blonde girl?" ...ya ya ya laugh it up chuckles... later that night he came over and we were all chilling in jane and carlies' room just talking and laughing. well woody's text alert goes off (its a wolf whistle) and carlies yells out the window "thank you!!" while jane hops on her bed and looks out the window with mols to see who had whistled at them...meanwhile woody and i are on the ground rolling. he had told me people look out the window when they hear his alert tone, but i had never witnessed it, nor had ever done it. it was priceless.

today was also a great day for sitting in the dining hall and mols walks up behind me and whispers in my ear that "dont look now, but you forgot to put some pants on today" ... later on she shows me a flyer she found on the floor...mols: "theyre looking for you 'rental girls wanted'" ...heck yes. i also attended the king 'tute was a hoot! ill have to get some pics and vids from kenz but they will make you chuckle for sure ;)

so anyways, woody and i finally went out to eat lol...ok not finally per say but tonight was the first time ever...(thanks mom)...i uh came up with a brilliant idea if i do say so myself...i suggested i fly to vegas, hitch a shuttle to st george and maybe cedar and he drive me up to the ranch...he'll get to visit it and ill get some more time with win situation if i do say so myself since he wants to visit the ranch but wont be able to later on since he isnt family...hope that works out lol...

oh! got my major switched gonna digress for a sec but...seriously why cant we just take courses we need instead of having to take non-related courses that waste my time and money? i want to own ranch...not be a soil and plant expert. part of the requirements for my ag degree is taking plant productions and soil anaylsis courses...ugh. i just wanna spend my time at the suu farm...can i not just do that? k-back on topic. i changed from a bio major to agriculture science...i wanna take some business and special education courses because when i have the ranch and money, i want to have an equine therapy camp or program for mentally and physically handicapped children. (ill also have to be certified for NARHA [north american riding for the handicapped association] to have the program at my place....

tomorrow im off to hit DI and cal ranch to find some cheap boots, jeans, shirts, and maybe a hat for the ranch...gotta start prepping for the move out...wish me luck...ill need it. g*night

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

just feel like...crying

alright. i know i havent caught everyone up to date on spring break, the sigma chi formal or general conference. ill just do it all in pictures and have captions for it when i feel like doing it and have time and patience.

honestly its bed time and i just wanna curl up in a ball and fall asleep. thing is tho...yesterday an emotion hit me that i havent felt in quite some time. i felt sadness and anxiety. back in the day when i dated in high school...most guys didnt last past 2 weeks cause i cold feet i guess. i played it off as it wouldnt work and i dont see this goind anywhere so why waste time...right? well i never had that with woody ok? weird...but i didnt. here it is almost two months of hanging out. getting to know each other and dating and now something with a twist is hitting me. here;s how its been going through my head..

the way we got hooked up...holy ghost. way we started talking once i was single...holy ghost. way i made decisions around him and regarding things (including hawaii)...holy ghost. my post traumatic stress disorder fixed through woody...still a work in progress around other people (but when im with him its perfectly fine). if you look at what we want from life, plans, goals, desires...they take us the same place and the differences in career paths would not be a problem as far as i can see. one day i want a ranch...originally i thought i would just bred, train, show, compete, etc with them...and then again the holy ghost jumped in forcefully this past weekend (because i brush this thought off) until this weekend....i want to add in a course or camp or something for the mentally and physically disabled for equine therapy. ...sitting on the beach with woody? out of the blue he says that he's always wanted a bunch of horses, that he doesnt know much about them, but that he loves them and always has wanted some....

regarding spirituality...he has a handsome spirit. one that moves me. one that im drawn to. he could look different and whatever is inside is what i love...what im falling for. of course a handsome face and physique is lovely but its what is inside for me regarding him. granted it was looks that i noticed at first...actually thats a lie. i felt him walk towards me rather than see him the first night i met him. i liked him on the spot. i wanted to be close to get to know him but since i was dating someone i had to leave it be. we hit it off that first night and even told him to his face that "well ill prolly never see ya bye." (he makes fun of me for that now lol). hugging him its like a magnet in him and a magnet in me...neither of us wants to let go...its a physical effort to move apart.

bro paul asked me last night...are you in love with him? i paused and falling. i suppose you could say ive fallen but im holding back. im scared. honest to goodness. he's the best thing i know and treats me better then i ever thought i would get. if i could tell you the compliments...the everything he says to me on a daily he'll look at me and when i ask what he's thinking he'll respond "how did i get so lucky?" ...its all about the little things...the night he took me out to an empty park parking lot at night just to turn some music on, pull me out of the truck, and dance...the way he looks at me. ok so maybe ive fallen for him....i just hide it. im scared. im scared of being hurt. im scared of losing him. im scared that in a matter of weeks i wont see him for months and who knows whatll happen. will we both live through the summer? each day is precious and life is short. life is so touchy and easy to snuff out. will we have feelings for each other in the fall when we see each other again? will we date in the fall?... ive told myself not to think about it cause im just living for the day sorry. i live for certain things in the future and well...anyways.

i can sit and say i could see us 100 years old acting the way we do now. there has never been a moment we've argued. (i know that arguing happens and sometimes even necessary but we honestly are just so on the same page...there is none of that). never a moment he had made me sad or angry. ive been on a constant high (for a lack of a better term) since that valentines day that we first hung out. (which speaking of which i totally made pancakes at his place the other day and thats the first time ive never burned pancakes...) he makes me a better me in so many ways...including a better cook.

i guess that yesterday it just kind of hit me that im falling in love and i dont know how to show it. im scared to even show it. im scared to say it to him. im afraid...afraid of how itll change the dynamic of what we have now. im afraid for his reaction. i afraid that i dont know how he really feels...all i know is that he "really really likes me a lot" and has mentioned plans and expeditions in the future (like the one that we're supposed to do in 30 years...or next spring break we'll go off to australia). i dont know what to think...what to do...

im me around him and he seems to be him around me. ive done stupid things, crazy things, blonde things, gross things...and he's been right there...or i tell him about it and he's still there the next day. he knows ive made mistakes in life and "nothing in your past can push me away"...there are things he just says that make me want to cry right there on the spot because he has no idea how much they mean to much they touch me and feel even more at ease. i really just..i dont know. we have 2 weeks plus finals left in school and i dont know what to do.

i dont know what to do. every day i fall more for him. we fall more into place and find happiness in every moment we spend together and even apart i feel. im falling for him and i dont know what to do.

i dont know what to do.