Saturday, April 24, 2010

"and i thought i loved you then...."

tuesday my pain was minimal. things were going well and i was on the up and up. since woody had time and wanted to he dropped me off at the hospital for my appointment. i did all the paperwork i had to and was seen shortly afterwards. he wasnt concerned with the apparent genetic defect i could possibly have. he just said that with the size my stones were i should be able to pass them on my own and but if i wanted them out and to be done with it with no more problems then i could come back in thursday as a walk-in since thursday is surgery day and he could get rid of it. i said i should be fine and will try to just flush it out on my own. seemed reasonable to him. appt over so woody picked me up and we headed to his place. ...i know we watched chuck...and well i fell asleep ok? nothing terrible. (blessing in disguise actually). sometime in the night i woke up in pain...he literally force fed me toast and a granola bar along with juice or water...something and then i had my pain pills. after they kicked in i fell asleep again. he had an early meeting and left. (the original plan had been that i would have some food ready when he got back....needless to say that didnt happen). i was still in bed when he got back and he tried to feed me some get something in me. i hobbled to the bathroom and after washing my hands basically collapsed on the floor. he tried to hold me up but i just crawled to the toilet and stayed there. by this time, he's called class to let them know he's gonna be late and has talked to mom. phone numbers have been exchanged and taking my to the hospital is discussed. its final. i ask him to take in way too much pain and honestly? there are three comfy beds in town: his, mine and the hospital. his is the closest but doesnt get rid of the crippling pain. mine it the farthest of the three and creates pain to get there (the roads, etc) and doesnt heal my pain once i get there. the hospital is in woody's back yard (literally) and well...they can make me feel better. he drives me over and we walk in.

im a disaster. they admit me and leave woody in the waiting area. they have me put a robe on and take the urine test...the guy had to come in and get me cause i wanted to puke...didnt tho. he then proceeds to try to take a blood sample from my hand. doesnt work so he stans me another...oh 2 times to get blood and then put an iv in. after the iv drip gets going im still in pain since there is nothing to help that pumping through my system. that isnt delivered until woody comes walking through the which point for some unknown reason i just start crying...ugh. he stays by my side the whole time....telling me its gonna be ok.

they decide that due to me blood count (white cells that should be at most 13 for me is up to 18) and where the pain is they want to take my appendix out since i have the pain, the nausea, etc to warrant at least a scoping in the stomach to see whats going on. they put me in another room and prep me for surgery. i ask for a blessing and the calls go out to my HTs and bishopric since i had....10 mins until surgery. woody then asks what kind of blessing i want...a comfort or a healing one? ....a comfort one i say. he laughs and only need one person for that and the nurse suggested that there are several in the hospital that are able to give a blessing. ...i turn to woody and ask "well cant you do it?" ...there was a slight pause, a smile and "yes...i can do it." the HTs get there and jesse and woody give me a blessing...the HTs left and woody looked at me and thanked me for asking him to do it. (i didnt say it but...silly thing, of course i wanted him to do it....)

so there is this thing that i do to woody and well some people laugh at it when one of us mentions it but...idk its just something that i started doing for him one day. he has hands that dry and crack easily especially here in cedar. so now i carry a lotion in my purse that doesnt smell girly so that if i catch him like that i just massage his hands (lotion included). i know from personal experience in bro wheelers class (us girls had to have something to do i class lol) that it feels amazing. we were waiting for me to be taken for surgery we were holding hands and thats when i felt it. dry, cracked hands. i had nothing to do and well...i wanted to take care of him. i asked him to hand me my lotion please and his face.....he just stared at me. a "no" came out. cant say i was too surprised but honestly..ugh. i wanted to. he told me to chill and relax. "here you are laying in a hospital bed and about to go into surgery and youre worried about wanting to take car of me. man did i pick a good one." lol, i guess i just dont see it that way. just second nature. i wanted to make sure he was all set lol and i had nothing else to do...ah well. after the "i love yous" and "ill see you in a little bits" were said, i was wheeled into surgery.

i woke up and ...well woody wasnt there. i knew he had things that he wanted to get done while i was in surgery but i cant say it didnt effect me that he wasnt there when i woke up. i couldne see straight and went back to sleep. woke up a little while later to woody next to me and...if i remember right my roomies on the other side of me (i was still out of it). i believe it was the next time that i actually woke up and talked to the nurse and woody. i have 3 holes from the surgery. two from the scopes...(they also filled me with CO2 to have room to see inside) and then another whole in my bellybutton to pull the appendix out. (found out appendix wasnt even bad).

laying there in bed...talking to woody...he hangs his head over the bed, kisses my hand and says..."taking care of you...i never thought i would even fall this fast for anyone but i did. i thought i loved you then but caring for you like this...being here by your falling in love even more." about speechless and humbling. lets just was an effort to not cry. until that moment i had wondered what he thought of me in the hospital like this. to see me as this wreck. to know medically im a mess inside (its ok...i found out the same time he did). i had appreciated everything he had done...everything...from the help and the arm to walk, the hand to hold as i fell asleep, to forcing food down my throat when i was in pain in his arms....lets just say with my past, im not really accustomed to that. ive heard of unconditional love...once upon a time i thought i had that. i was was just another conditional love. this? ive been going on dates with woody since valentines day and have been "officially dating" aka...boyfriend/girlfriend since...hawaii. which means we've only been official for a little over a month and a half i guess? (ill finish this tangent in another post...ive been meaning to anyways). all in all? i look at him all the time and ask myself how i got so i got someone so great to date...someone that is here for still surprises me sometimes. im a lucky gal.

so woody was talking to ian (sigma chi brother) and he and some guys are coming over to see us and asks if theres anything we need. actually yes. im a girl ok? i ask if they can grab me some underwear for when i finally get to go home. i wish i could have seen their faces when they heard that lol. so woody calls my roommates and they agree. ...they have no clue what kind i want...they agree on comfy ones lol (aw come on...they all are). ...then the they just hand underwear to the guys or do they stick it in something? well a victorias secret bag appears and they make it halfway downstairs when they decide they want to add a note to my present..."dont get your panties all in a bunch! love carlie, jane, and molly" gotta love em lol. in the meantimes the guys are downstairs asking girls walking by if they have any underwear....oh my. so the girls hand them the bag, the guys hand the girls a cup of soup (are you terribly surprised?) and they take off. they show up in the hospital and my nurse tells me just say the word and she can throw the "hooligans" out and winks lol. she was great. well...i hear the guys discuss the trauma of their manliness for carrying a victorias secret bag around...(oh man. you just wait. one day youll be soooo excited but i digress...).

a bouquet of flowers from woody was given to me, cards from the guys present and another card from all of sigma chi, toblerones, quite a few jokes and many laughs....oh and apparently quite a few from sigma chi and delta psi wanted to stop by and say hey but woody thought they wouldnt all fit lol. (but thanks for the thought everyone!!) i wondered aloud how so many people knew about me in the hospital and well...think about it. greek system. church. roomies. dorms. hit the rotc grapevine and youre complete lol. according to ian "woody is kind of a big deal on campus" so of course news that his girlfriend is in the hospital will get around. the guys left.

madre and woody chatted it up a few times. i think she likes this one ;) thats always nice. seeing how she doesnt like the guys i date....until after i break up with them usually. weird. oh well. in fact i think he mentioned something about beating me...(im sure thatll brighten her up. jk...kinda lol) i think she's mostly surprised that he didnt run off during all this. "why would i leave the woman i love?" he didnt day it to her...but after the fact? he wished he had. ah well. some other time. anyways....night time. i slept off and on and when i was awake would usually just lay there watching him...he would drift off sometimes. poor thing. i was ruining his sleep for the second night in a row and well...lets just say he isnt used to being the person in the chair...he couldnt sleep. he lloks so cute when he drifts off...well and sleeps...and general. he did homework and studies for a final he had the next day. i think he finally got to sleep sometimes around 4ish? im not sure...i sorta woke up when he left to go to his classes. was in and out of breakfast which was good and then the doc came in to talk to me.

my appendix hadnt been bad but to avoid confusion of pain in the future he had taken it had been swollen. they did nothing about the kidney stones. the thing he was worried about was my guts. oh it goes. my colon...nowhere near the size and placement within my body it should be. its supposed to be in a nice square around my intestines up near my ribs-ish. mine sit in my pelvis. great. needless to say this causes problems. doc said he was gonna clear me to be discharged whenever woody got back to the hospital. i was keeping food down, my pain was down, i was dizzy or anything. my white blood cell count was up to 20 or 22 which means it had gone up since they had removed my appendix and with no reason for infection, that just isnt normal but since everything else looked good they were gonna release me anyways.

woody showed up, took me to dq for some free blizzard and then on to walmart for more pills. lets just say i think i have enough lortabs to last me a lifetime. i lived off 4 after i was hit in the head last summer and ok ive used way more than that in the past 48 hours but oh well. after walmart woody and i meet up with ian and some of his buddies at taco bell. i grab a small chicken soft taco and water. after that i crawl into my bed and with pills in the system...pass out. woody stops by later that night to say goodnight...i dont really remember much...i was too drugged honestly. i wake up every 4-8 hrs depends on how many lortabs i had downed the previous pill popping time and take more with some water and a slice of my "favorite! plain, untoasted bread" as said by woody lol. woke up around 7 with was weird cause it was too early for more pills...after waking up a good 2 hours later on the floor against the toilet i took more pills, crawled in bed, and promptly lost everything from the fresh pills to my chicken taco from the day before. tried the pills again and this time tried water and bread again. thankfully the pills stayed in this time even though nothing else did. i crawled in bed on an empty stomach at 10 in the morning. i do nothing but sleep all day. nothing to eat. nothing to drink.

woody stops by when he finally wakes up and makes sure im ok. he tries to get me to drink some fluids and well...even he couldnt get me to. he heads to the institute closing social since he's on the council and supposed to be there. mom calls in the afternoon and well....demands i go to the hospital again. im dehydrated. i cant see straight. i can barely walk straight. i had narcotics on an empty stomach. i think im blocked since nothing is passing or getting digested it seems...text him that the roomies are taking me...he shows up with blake (a sig brother-think skinnier, smaller talyor lautner looking kid...the one that plays jake in twilight and thats what he looks like...which speaking of which i need to ask which roomie likes him cause im sure something happened in that waiting room lol).

my initial guy was a jokester lol...he said he worked as a stand up comedian sometimes down in vegas. let me just say this guy had me laughing...which hurt of course.
1"why is an infiniti called that?"
"cause thats how long you make payments on it"
2"so i was drivin down the road one day and it felt like i hit something...i got out and this guy was yelling at him telling me i had crashed into his car. confused i asked him what he drove"
"a mirage!"
"well sir...thats your problem. i couldnt see it. you should have a least it would have moved out of the way!"
after that woody came in and we had a nice greek encounter in the ER...timian was the one that drew blood (alpha phi..i think. dont quote me on that). jantzen volunteers there on the weekend and is chi phi(?). the vlood tech was delta psi i believe. so that was all fun....they had a hard time getting me to even bleed since i was so dehydrated.

off for xrays and the guy and i chatted a bit. thing is-the whole i can graduate in 2 years only happens if i pass my classes this semester and with exam this close and such im a bit worried about it. im sure i could do summer classes since a few of them are and not worry...not deal with 19 credits every semester until i graduate grad early? sure would be nice...well anyways he and i were talking about schooling. he asked where i was from and what i was studying. upon hearing me say ag he asked if i was going to be doing like the state ag commerce thing. i told him no. he said he asked because he worked a second job as pest control and you have to go in and take tests to be able to stay up to date and such. he had been jealous of my graduate early deal and had said i hope you fail...jokingly of course...and was now worried that i might someday be his supervisor down in the ag dept. lol

all was fairly well. my white blood cell count was back down and nothing other than fluids would do me the most good. they sent me home and home i came. woody forced a cup of juice down me after i took some pills and most of a cup of yogurt. after he left i had a slice of bread and an anti-nausea pill too...laid down to watch csi, house, and miami medical...all in hopes i would fall asleep. nada. here i am...its almost 7 in the morning and im still wide awake. ...i just hope im asleep before he stops by in a little. (he has my id card so he can get in the building since im not exactly going anywhere)