Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Love. Life. Laughter….while in a small town ER

Its sad that a hospital visit is what it takes to get the ME back that ive wanted. But well…that’s what happens when youre in a very small town hospital with literally nothing better to do than sit and stare out the huge window across the room and look at a trailer park. Yes that’s right…a trailer park.

Now let me explain to you some of the happenings before I got to view this lovely scenery for almost 24 hours. …

I got sick.

Lol…ok ill give ya more than that head was congested…I had the entire body fever…chills and (for lack of a better term) hot flashes…nausea when eating…I was a disaster (and yes this part Does relate to the whole story) and in two days went to the bathroom a total of 3 times. Tmi. I know oh well. Too late to take it back hehe. Ultimately I was taken to the hospital Tuesday evening and was hooked up to an iv with morphine..sound familiar? I had a fever of 102.5 and my white blood cell count was 25.9 (they like it between 5 and 10). Then once they determined it wasn’t mono they gave me some meds to actually make me feel better. That night I believe I was stabbed 3-4 times with needles (for bood and then the iv)…this too is important. Once I finish every drop in the saline iv bag…the nurse was adamant I get every drop. Ive personally never seen someone stand there and tilt the bag until it was empty… happened. My temp when I left was still over 100. So once that is complete I head home…try and eat some simple foods and take my meds (augmentin tastes terrible. I kid you not. Even when you don’t cut that horsepill in half its terrible. Im sitting here tasting it from when I took it last night. Ya…*shudder* vicodin…now there is another drug to give you the chills. When the doc said she was sending me home with vicodin I think my jaw actually dropped. Vicodin is what House is addicted to on House md. …this is serious narcotics). I take the augmentin, the 2 vicodins, and 4 200 ibuprofens as instructed to do by the doctor…extreme? I say yes. Went to bed. Woke up, felt nauseous, spat some gunk out in the toilet and promptly fell asleep leaning on the toilet bowl…2 hours later…what came up was black. Now this is where reading too much and being too educated can psych you out…one of my favorite books I read over and over is called the hot zone…it’s about the origin and outbreaks of the Marburg and then the ebola virus. “what hiv can do to a person in 7 years…ebola can do that in 7 days.” Its nasty nasty stuff and I have no clue why I love reading that book…but I do. One of the things tho is that ebola literally turns everything to mush inside and you puke black stuff within other grounds is what it looks like fyi lol (and yes when I told the doc it was black, she asked if it looked like coffee grounds…it kinda did…) but anyways…no I don’t have ebola…no im not gonna die lol…but it was just kinda funny to me. I skipped my morning dosage of pills and slept and slept and slept.

Emily woke me up when she brought my saddle that had just been delivered…oh. Well…surprise! I bought a saddle. Ya..i know what youre prolly thinkin…a saddle? You work on a ranch! Are there not plenty of saddles? Why did you need to buy one? Theres not enough room to store your saddle anywhere is there…and how much do saddles cost huh? Well. Let me lay it out for ya…I bought the saddle 3rd hand off blonde Emily here. Its an all purpose that was mainly used for barrels for quite some time. It’s an original circle y saddle with the acorn pattern detailed into the leather. The seat is roughed leather and is a lighter color than the rest of the saddle. Its in great condition and is a size 14 seat…it’s a near perfect fit and once im in the saddle on a horse, we’ll see if I like it even better…which im sure I will. Granted the saddle is built for a quarter horse build but that can be dealt with easily. Brand new saddles start at a thousand dollars…better quality are more expensive obviously. Now the ranch has this deal with a saddle company…you tell us what you want in a saddle (size, design, buckin rolls, cantle, tree, skirt…everything) and you get it half off from what we would normally sell it for and you can get it within a matter of days…(because they just throw the pieces together and voila you have your saddle). JR, one of the wranglers did that and payed $660 for his. What I spent was $330 for a saddle in great condition with a breast collar and shipping. If I want buckin rolls, I can get some later on down the road. I figure that I can spend 300 on a saddle that does everything I need it to and as long as I take care of it and keep it soaped and oiled, I can have this saddle basically forever. Plus, my major and what I want to do in life kinda demands I have some equipment. And having a saddle so I don’t have to rush to grab in horsemanship cause it’s the only one that fits me would be amazing and I won’t have to worry about stirrup length cause I already have it set to exactly how I like it. So there. I bought a saddle and I love it.

Promptly after em left the room…my next porcelain bowl encounter was a green one. Disgustingly green…called the doc up and asked if they thought I should come in…basically the answer was no. so Kirsten went and picked up my prescription and picked up a bottle of anti-nausea medicine. I took some of that, took my meds, had a little bit of light food (or so I thought) and about an hour later it came up too. After this final red experience I called the hospital…they agreed it wasnt working and to come in. they had saved a spot for me (small hospitals can only hold so many).

Pause here…im done writing and so hopefully theres a second part to this lol

and comment from blonde emily today referring to someone we work with..."i hope she gets eaten by an armadillo!" ...oh brother!

the things you think about when cleaning....

(written forever ago and saved for when i actually get to the library)

Working here at the ranch you have a lot of time to think over many many many things…incessantly. So here are some of my realizations laid out for others to know.

Ive realized I have a compulsive disorder…I count things. Not so much things, but rather chimes and bells tolling. It was something I did at home when our cuckoo clock chimed. I would count the tolls…and if I didn’t start at the first one I would just jump in and count from the middle. Having bells here for meals (2 per meal) I find myself counting them even when I don’t want to. Its honestly rather ridiculous but I suppose I could be way more crazy than I already am.

You are an alcoholic when you flinch when someone spills a drop of their drink and when you lick the side of your cup to get that last drop of a shot that got away from you. This ive witnessed…

Having an inner need to please people can seriously backfire on you. Lessons are learned that you don’t have to please everyone…and that definitely includes pleasing others. As long as you are pleased with yourself and heavenly father can be pleased with you then you are doing something right.

Im someone that needs human contact. I need my touch senses worked and frequently. I don’t mean in an inappropriate way…just I need hugs. I need a hand to hold. A lap to curl up next to, arms to fall into.

People read my blog. I know this for a fact. Thing is there are people that read this and then email me with snide remarks and slaps in the face. Here is another fun fact for the day about me…don’t freakin send me the email or any other form of communication because I don’t freaking care! I don’t want it!

Dear step dad. You are a douche. When I was little I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be cool and fly a helicopter…Im apparently too short. Even in high school I asked recruiters if I was too short…they turned me down. No I may have never said it but I liked you. I appreciated you and all that you had done for not just me but for my mom…you took us both in…loved and cared for us. Supported us and helped me when I wanted and needed it. no I never said thank you enough. Love and emotions weren’t expressed in the house…why did you expect me to hug and kiss you and tell I loved you before you deployed if we never ever did that in the first place? I loved that truck more than anything else I owned (used)…the day I totaled it I promise you my first thought was “man…im so dead.” And trust me…you think I just shrugged the accident off without anything? First off…I cried for my truck…not for the “freedom” I had lost but for the truck…the fact it wasn’t really mine…the money…the symbolism of the truck…and all the work and time that had been put into it. I appreciated you teaching me how to work on it. I appreciated how you set aside money for me for school…how you planned and tried to help guide me towards anything but diggin ditches and flippin burgers. ….now here I am and mom has come to me at times to vent…to cry…to forewarn me about the fact that you will no longer be paying my tuition with all that money you’ve saved since I was taken under your wing. Im graduating early because of you. I have to…mom cant pay for it and after all those talks of finances with you..well…I don’t want student loans. I may not be living the life you wanted for me…but as a whole im happy and healthy and standing on my feet. Now here is another thing….i appreciate the fact that for so many years you have cared for, loved, and supported my mom as far as I can see….as of right now? I couldn’t care less if you stayed in Iraq or Afghanistan. The way you are acting and behaving is hurting my mom and I wont stand for it. Quit being a puss and grow up. For goodness sakes youre almost 53 years old. Act like a man with a wife and 3 kids to support…and honestly if you don’t wanna have a thing to do with me…for the most part, that’s fine as long as you put a face on when I show up for moms sake. Support the other two…equally. Tye is your son. Honor is your daughter. Ben is dead and trying to make tye the boy you wanted ben to be is tough luck. Love tye for who he is and how he is. He is a smart boy and is most certainly old enough to make decisions for himself. Don’t push him. He’s stubborn and will push back and wont learn a thing at all. And that means church and religion and scouts. Honor is honor and given the proper…and I do mean proper guidance and support will be just fine in life. Give her the optimal chance at a normal life and do what is right for her. With mom, honor has come so very far from where she started. Let it stay that way. Consult mom. Don’t go behind her back. Love her. Trust her. She is loyal to you. She loves you. Me? I could prolly care less what happens to you because of the way that you have treated my mom lately…and my siblings. For moms sake tho, do right by her please and treat all the family with respect please. I looked up to you once. I wanted a husband like you once. Now? What I want in a husband and father of my kids is nothing like how you are now. Cherish my mother please. Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Mom keeps telling me that she likes woody. That she wants me to convince him Nauvoo is the place to get married in. she thinks we would work well together in the long run. I agree but I don’t say that out loud too much. It’s a touchy topic. Its usually tiptoed over…something only subtly mentioned. Honestly thinking about marriage is scary. I start thinking about my age…im 19. The absolute I would be proposed to I figure would be 20 which means I could be married before I even hit 21. Its scary!! But then I sit and think I could do it and it would be ok. But then the fact that im ok with it is scary and I flip out all over again. Im retarded honestly. I just need to chill. Woody wont propose for forever. I know him well enough to know that for sure….i think. Sometimes I freak because he says something and ill think that im wrong and that he’s ready. Im not ready. Im not. Sure I mean I could be a wife I suppose. I could share the cooking lol with him since he is a good cook…ok hes pretty great…and I honestly wrote the great part cause I knew if he was reading this over my shoulder that he would say something about being only a good cook….cause he and I both know he is pretty dang great…in more ways that one. I love him and I could be his wife….i just freak out cause I still see myself as a college kid…not married and in college lol…I mean I know it happens, especially in utah but…that just isn’t us. Ah well…