to celebrate or not celebrate?

ok. here is it week until im no longer a teenager...(woody and my mom are not so secretly jumping for joy at this thought) lol...mom because 1 down 2 to go...and woody? because he wont be dating a teenager anymore lol...and because we'll only be 6 yrs apart and not 7 (if you go strictly by numbers) this all is only slightly relevent to anything that has happened in the last few weeks tho.

in case we forgot who i live with....

ciana

(new roomie) from tooele and taller than me and frankly is just like alexis (my last roomie) just cleaner and neater (by house standards) but is just like alexis in the boy way. she cant not flirt or bring boys home to hang out until 2 in the morning. she says she has been in several movies and for those that have seen forever strong (the movie) she kissed the main character on the cheek (because she asked him is she could).

kayla

remember her from last year? from grand junction and is waiting for her prince to sweep her off her feet...and waiting for her missionary at the same time. she is smaller than me...but apt life is starting to kick in the sophmore 15

kenz

also from last year. from vegas and has not really tried to even try on the glass slippers in the hopes of finding her prince. she says she simply wants someone to love her but she has no desire to love someone back right now. eats nothing but junk food....and is the reason i would much rather not eat taquitos ;)

eliza

from alaska but her family moved over by moab when she came here. smart girl. on the deans list. good girl and actually cooks. has a solid bf from st george and we all basically have guesses as to when he will propose ...(sort of) has consistent head splitting migraines (and yes many of us think bad things will happen down the road because of them)

jen

from gusher (so named because of the oil fields) and wants to find a prince but has no guts in the dating scene. interesting individual...

anyways...back to the bday thing...because i am basically the black sheep in the apt i am either the last one to know about things the girls are doing or i am never told. sad huh? not too bad because i usually do productive things or i hang out with woody anyways....however when eliza started dating brad she was left out of many things ans so i wasnt the only one in that particular boat...so we sat the girls down one night and expressed our feelings of how we wished they wouldnt treat us the way they did...well things got better for eliza but im still left out of many things.

my dilemma comes now from...they somewhat celebrated kayla's bday....they celebrated 2 of our neighbors bday and they went down to stg to celebrates eliza's bday. sometime last week they asked what kind of cake i wanted...yes woody, the way i responded was not with finesse... i feel like why include me on my day when they dont on a daily basis already? half of me wants to have them do what they want for my bday...however the other half doesnt want to have them included on my birthday. i want to celebrate it with those that care on a daily basis... is that too much to ask?

of things for a college student to ask for for a birthday....i asked woody for a living green thing (a plant) lol. perhaps ill push my bday off a day for it to be on super bowl night instead....cause i think woody and i were planning on simply hangin at the sig house (im sure they wont mind the fact that im planning on making a pizza or 2 ;) ....(i swore last year that i would have a super bowl party...)

either way, i simply want my bday to be with people that know me, care about me, and love me. is that too much to ask?

...back to school. it sucks.

sunday didnt go like i had thought it would. at all. woody and i wrote down our goals for the semester. for about a week now when i say my prayers i have been almost asking for patience but halfway through the word i stop myself because i know you shouldnt pray for patience...sunday night i realized i need it. i realized there must be some reason that i almost slip night after night... monday i didnt even have a class until 1 pm. it was absolutely divine. i will say though that even though i was given the chance to sleep in since i hadnt set an alarm...i woke up at 9 am. got ready for the day and got to actually make breakfast for myself. woody came over so we could go ahead and read for the day and so that he wouldnt have to worry about trying to fit in homework and scripture time after his sig meetings. we headed off to campus and we signed up for institute class together...the writings of john. i also signed up for old testament part 2 and preparing for a temple marriage.

...let me pause here to explain why i am taking the temple marriage class. no i wont predict that i will be married soon. i could always take this class later however part of my personal goals and goals that woody and i have together is as simple as going and doing baptisms for the dead together when i have my recommend in my hand. this class isnt about finding that one person and marrying them straight off. its emphasized that all things that we work for in life should be within our eternal perspective. since my biggest goal right now in life is to walk into the st george temple really soon. since that and other goals i have do regard eternal perspective, i figured a class that can remind me of my goals and make me think even deeper about things is a class worth taking. enough said right? so if another person asks me when a ring is showing up on my ring finger...i just wont say a word.

after all that we headed off to our respective classes and then after my math class...i went and payed for the locker for my p.e. class. im not gonna lie. i need easy a classes for a gpa boost....and i wanna get in shape once again.

after working out i went and met with woody out at his truck only to find out that it wont run. it sucks for both of us. he has so much stuff he needs his truck for just regarding school not to mention work. i am TAing for a horsemanship class out at the farm this semester and i need to get out there somehow. regarding the truck...it wasnt towed into a shop until tuesday night and woody said that the shop said it should be all good by friday (cross fingers). had a friend up take up to lin's and we were given 10 mins to get everything we needed...talk about crunch time!!! hard to compare shop when you have a time limit and you have hardly any food that you can cook in your possession at the apartment.

tuesday my roommate eliza and i woke up and did the insanity workout...ok. it wasnt even the workout. it was simply the fit test to see where you stood and so that you could see your improvement. we practically died and never in my life...ok not quite...have i felt so fat and gross. its just one of those things that wow...really wakes you up. went to math class and then off to dropping off socks at the gym...where woody followed me out and called me to make sure it was me...lol sure enough it was. we headed to my place so that my roommates boyfriend could drive woody home that night. it was an interesting night and woody found one textbook so riveting that he fell asleep. after the boys were gone us girls went through and threw old food away and organized what we wanted to keep. reorganized the fridge and freezer and tried that good old australian beer bridget and i got up in north utah...its non-alcoholic ginger beer...wasnt bad and so it got passed around the apartment so that everyone could try it.

wednesday i caught a ride to campus so i could talk to some of my teachers and so i could sit and read for class. basically after institute with woody i didnt do the old testament class and instead went a worked out with woody...more like we talked while stretching and then ran for our time and then talked while stretching again. it was good though. i had kind of been in a sour mood and i just havent explained why yet but i felt so much better after running. i headed off to my eternal marriage class and then barely made it to my math class in time...and then hitched a ride to the farm for my other class...only to find out he wanted me to TA for the 4 o'clock class and not the 2 o'clock one...so after doing dishes at the apt i got another ride to the library to meet up with woody so that we could read scriptures earlier rather than later and not be able to do it all...after taking care of some things we got reading and then when we were done i called my roommate that was supposed to drive me out to the farm again...straight to voicemail. so i tried again. same thing. sent a text. no response. called again. nada. tried another roomie. same ordeal. i then proceeded to call every person i have in my phone that goes to suu. same thing. no one answered. woody tried some of his people...either they couldnt help for some reason or another or they didnt answer. finally one of the brothers he called was able to help and i was 15 mins late to my class. awesome. hitched a ride back to campus and then met up with woody and bill so that i could help them set up for the club fair. grabbed some pancakes for the mand and then went and read. came back and got a heapin plate of buffalo wings for him and then help pack up and put things away... and now im sitting here writing all this and hopefully my blogging will be consistently consistent this year. hopefully you guys can keep me on track with this...

Truck drivers, lamb wrestlin’, and catchin’ quail

Sounds like a grand time huh? …actually I know what youre thinkin…”wait! You never finished your hospital adventure! …and capitalization?! When did this happen in this blog?!” …calm down. My internet is still down so I type it up on word and just transfer it to the blog…and word document automatically capitalizes for me (boo!) and frankly dont feel like bothering to change it lol. And as for the hospital gig? Ill finish it and itll be up by the end of the week. Does that work? Ah well…cant please em all.

So the trucker deal….i have a feeling that truckers get bored while driving. That’s why they created satellite radio…so truckers don’t fall asleep and kill people on the road (ok not really but go with it). Truckers have to find ways to stay amused and alert while driving the many hours they put into transport. …this is why they try to scare the crap out of college kids that cross the freeway bridge from the apartments to campus. Here I am minding my own business when right as a tractor trailer goes barreling under the bridge im walking across…usually half asleep…he decides it would be great fun to honk the horn. …listen here you big rig drivers…while I laugh about it now…are you really that bored?! I must say you time it perfectly. Maybe I should actually go look and see if there is a sign that says honk at college students crossing the bridge…or look up in trucker manuals if that’s a rule that must be done or see if there is contest to see how high they can get us to jump…

After horsemanship (which went exceptionally well since the teacher wants me to continue to ride the horse with the most attitude because in the hour that I was in the saddle, I settled her down and had her acting better than ever) I went over to the cross hollow event center near the farm to help out with the stock show going on…now let me pause here to announce that I have Never been to a stock show. …this comes as a surprise to many people out here. They figure a girl from Tennessee that’s an agriculture major-animal science degree would have been to tons of stock shows. Hate to disappoint but Thursdays stock show here in cedar city was my first stock show EVER. I have no clue how the scoring goes. Whats the difference between market lambs and regular ewes? Seriously? Come on. So im told to go grab the spotted ewe…uh ok. So I nab her like I saw the 7 year old kids doing earlier and put the halter on her and try to get her to come out of the pen….its a LOT harder than I thought! Anyways I got the hang of it…learned how the scoring system works for stock shows…I actually learned a lot that afternoon.

Saturday rolls around and woody, blake, and I head up to Parowan to work on some things…we pull up and there were some quail chicks running around outside their pen. Lucky, the neighbors dog, became quite the asset that day…lets just say that border collie caught on fast and helped us find all the little buggers. So here I am with a net in one hand and keepin an eye on the dog because when he caught a chick he had a habit of walking away with it… the thing was the chick hid in the tall grass…which was tall because there was an irrigation pipe in the middle of the grass…so im trompin around with the dog up and down the grass to make sure there were no more out there…lucky froze and then pounced…I snatched the slobbery chick from his mouth and then as im walkin back to the pen another chick runs out in front of me…so a chick in one hand and a net in another I sweep and miss…I go for it again and the chick darted to the side and again I missed…the next time I practically dive bomb the stupid thing and make it…all while managing to muddy myself and land in the swamp I was in…fantastic! So now I get the great task of putting two chicks in the pen at the same time…all in all 12 chicks were found (thankfully that was all that had been in the pen in the first place). 11 were found alive (no the dog didn’t kill any). Out of the 11 found, the dog found and caught 9 on his own and only injured two of them and for a non-bird dog that seems impressive to me. Anyways…it was an interesting day as far a ranch work goes…but a nice respite from town life and classes and roomies

adventures in a small town ER...cont

ok...here is the second part to the hospital story

...now where was i? ...oh yes. arriving at the hospital. so they sit me on a bed in the ER and ask what had been going on since i left them the other day...and then proceed to try to get some blood outa me and start me on an iv. im tired, im sick, and once again in my life my body is refusing to cooperate for the nurses and doctors. they poked me all over the place...blew out two veins and end up calling an off-duty ER nurse to come in to see if she can get it. at that point i was ready to say just stab something and get the blood...but they had to worry about getting an iv in as well so that wouldnt have worked. by the time they were done i had something like 15ish holes in me and was falling asleep. my white blood cell count was through the roof still, i was severely dehydrated, and my spleen and liver were dangerously swollen...i was put into an overnight room and was being given potassium chloride on a fast drip...after the drip starting hurting from the potassium, it was changed and i fell asleep...the bag was changed in the morning and i was given another whole bag of potassium chloride. would be my case on top of this...once im full of fluids my period starts...ugh.

i lay in bed entertaining myself by wondering if people in the trailer park ever watched the people in the hospital like they were rats...then my train of thought would drift...you know that little voice in our head? not like a psychotic one, but like the one we all have...thats how we decide things, how we actually keep sane. anyways...i compared how even when we talk to ourselves...there are those people that move their lips or even gesture when talking to themselves when alone...and the differences you often see between men and women when you notice this.. dont lie...you fall in one of these categories.

women are more prone to talk to themselves i feel...we are the sort that have to work things out, plan how things should go, rehearse it, etc...i dont think that guys as a general rule talk to themselves out loud when thinking about things...anyways i had a whole point to that when i sat in the hospital but ive lost that train of thought...what i do remember is when i would get up to go to the bathroom i would unplug the monitor thing and kind of dance with it to the bathroom and when i would come out of the bathroom...i would peek out the door, look around and hum the mission impossible theme song...(yes i did just admit to that) but i had to amuse myself somehow!

i find it sad that because im a teenager they have to give me an ultrasound...yes there was more than one purpose to it but still...this time tho at least it was the traditional belly and gel ultrasound....thankfully nothing was found out of place that we didnt already know about tho several organs were swollen (liver and spleen) and other then that all seemed to look pretty good.

the hospital food was terrible and i swear if another hospital tries to force me to eat rubbery jello one more time...ill...ill...do something! lol...i was gonna say throw up but thatll only keep you in the pin longer so i wont do that lol...ill figure something out tho. well...anyways...i end up going back to the ranch later that day and end up working the next day (just not in the kitchen). im weak, im tired and im told i cant ride horses or lift anything heavy because my liver and spleen were so swollen that i could bust em at anytime and they didnt want me doing anything that could do that...and personally i didnt wanna die so i listened.

thankfully im alive and well now...and sadly that was what it took to turn my summer around...to put a smile on my face and definitely prepare me for the return to utah...i couldnt wait and honestly now that im here...im grateful for the experience but i wouldnt go back to the ranch to work.

Love. Life. Laughter….while in a small town ER

Its sad that a hospital visit is what it takes to get the ME back that ive wanted. But well…that’s what happens when youre in a very small town hospital with literally nothing better to do than sit and stare out the huge window across the room and look at a trailer park. Yes that’s right…a trailer park.

Now let me explain to you some of the happenings before I got to view this lovely scenery for almost 24 hours. …

I got sick.

Lol…ok ill give ya more than that lol..my head was congested…I had the entire body fever…chills and (for lack of a better term) hot flashes…nausea when eating…I was a disaster (and yes this part Does relate to the whole story) and in two days went to the bathroom a total of 3 times. Tmi. I know oh well. Too late to take it back hehe. Ultimately I was taken to the hospital Tuesday evening and was hooked up to an iv with morphine..sound familiar? I had a fever of 102.5 and my white blood cell count was 25.9 (they like it between 5 and 10). Then once they determined it wasn’t mono they gave me some meds to actually make me feel better. That night I believe I was stabbed 3-4 times with needles (for bood and then the iv)…this too is important. Once I finish every drop in the saline iv bag…the nurse was adamant I get every drop. Ive personally never seen someone stand there and tilt the bag until it was empty…ya..it happened. My temp when I left was still over 100. So once that is complete I head home…try and eat some simple foods and take my meds (augmentin tastes terrible. I kid you not. Even when you don’t cut that horsepill in half its terrible. Im sitting here tasting it from when I took it last night. Ya…*shudder* vicodin…now there is another drug to give you the chills. When the doc said she was sending me home with vicodin I think my jaw actually dropped. Vicodin is what House is addicted to on House md. …this is serious narcotics). I take the augmentin, the 2 vicodins, and 4 200 ibuprofens as instructed to do by the doctor…extreme? I say yes. Went to bed. Woke up, felt nauseous, spat some gunk out in the toilet and promptly fell asleep leaning on the toilet bowl…2 hours later…what came up was black. Now this is where reading too much and being too educated can psych you out…one of my favorite books I read over and over is called the hot zone…it’s about the origin and outbreaks of the Marburg and then the ebola virus. “what hiv can do to a person in 7 years…ebola can do that in 7 days.” Its nasty nasty stuff and I have no clue why I love reading that book…but I do. One of the things tho is that ebola literally turns everything to mush inside and you puke black stuff within other stuff..coffee grounds is what it looks like fyi lol (and yes when I told the doc it was black, she asked if it looked like coffee grounds…it kinda did…) but anyways…no I don’t have ebola…no im not gonna die lol…but it was just kinda funny to me. I skipped my morning dosage of pills and slept and slept and slept.

Emily woke me up when she brought my saddle that had just been delivered…oh. Well…surprise! I bought a saddle. Ya..i know what youre prolly thinkin…a saddle? You work on a ranch! Are there not plenty of saddles? Why did you need to buy one? Theres not enough room to store your saddle anywhere is there…and how much do saddles cost huh? Well. Let me lay it out for ya…I bought the saddle 3^rd hand off blonde Emily here. Its an all purpose that was mainly used for barrels for quite some time. It’s an original circle y saddle with the acorn pattern detailed into the leather. The seat is roughed leather and is a lighter color than the rest of the saddle. Its in great condition and is a size 14 seat…it’s a near perfect fit and once im in the saddle on a horse, we’ll see if I like it even better…which im sure I will. Granted the saddle is built for a quarter horse build but that can be dealt with easily. Brand new saddles start at a thousand dollars…better quality are more expensive obviously. Now the ranch has this deal with a saddle company…you tell us what you want in a saddle (size, design, buckin rolls, cantle, tree, skirt…everything) and you get it half off from what we would normally sell it for and you can get it within a matter of days…(because they just throw the pieces together and voila you have your saddle). JR, one of the wranglers did that and payed $660 for his. What I spent was $330 for a saddle in great condition with a breast collar and shipping. If I want buckin rolls, I can get some later on down the road. I figure that I can spend 300 on a saddle that does everything I need it to and as long as I take care of it and keep it soaped and oiled, I can have this saddle basically forever. Plus, my major and what I want to do in life kinda demands I have some equipment. And having a saddle so I don’t have to rush to grab in horsemanship cause it’s the only one that fits me would be amazing and I won’t have to worry about stirrup length cause I already have it set to exactly how I like it. So there. I bought a saddle and I love it.

Promptly after em left the room…my next porcelain bowl encounter was a green one. Disgustingly green…called the doc up and asked if they thought I should come in…basically the answer was no. so Kirsten went and picked up my prescription and picked up a bottle of anti-nausea medicine. I took some of that, took my meds, had a little bit of light food (or so I thought) and about an hour later it came up too. After this final red experience I called the hospital…they agreed it wasnt working and to come in. they had saved a spot for me (small hospitals can only hold so many).

Pause here…im done writing and so hopefully theres a second part to this lol

and comment from blonde emily today referring to someone we work with..."i hope she gets eaten by an armadillo!" ...oh brother!

the things you think about when cleaning....

(written forever ago and saved for when i actually get to the library)

Working here at the ranch you have a lot of time to think over many many many things…incessantly. So here are some of my realizations laid out for others to know.

Ive realized I have a compulsive disorder…I count things. Not so much things, but rather chimes and bells tolling. It was something I did at home when our cuckoo clock chimed. I would count the tolls…and if I didn’t start at the first one I would just jump in and count from the middle. Having bells here for meals (2 per meal) I find myself counting them even when I don’t want to. Its honestly rather ridiculous but I suppose I could be way more crazy than I already am.

You are an alcoholic when you flinch when someone spills a drop of their drink and when you lick the side of your cup to get that last drop of a shot that got away from you. This ive witnessed…

Having an inner need to please people can seriously backfire on you. Lessons are learned that you don’t have to please everyone…and that definitely includes pleasing others. As long as you are pleased with yourself and heavenly father can be pleased with you then you are doing something right.

Im someone that needs human contact. I need my touch senses worked and frequently. I don’t mean in an inappropriate way…just I need hugs. I need a hand to hold. A lap to curl up next to, arms to fall into.

People read my blog. I know this for a fact. Thing is there are people that read this and then email me with snide remarks and slaps in the face. Here is another fun fact for the day about me…don’t freakin send me the email or any other form of communication because I don’t freaking care! I don’t want it!

Dear step dad. You are a douche. When I was little I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be cool and fly a helicopter…Im apparently too short. Even in high school I asked recruiters if I was too short…they turned me down. No I may have never said it but I liked you. I appreciated you and all that you had done for not just me but for my mom…you took us both in…loved and cared for us. Supported us and helped me when I wanted and needed it. no I never said thank you enough. Love and emotions weren’t expressed in the house…why did you expect me to hug and kiss you and tell I loved you before you deployed if we never ever did that in the first place? I loved that truck more than anything else I owned (used)…the day I totaled it I promise you my first thought was “man…im so dead.” And trust me…you think I just shrugged the accident off without anything? First off…I cried for my truck…not for the “freedom” I had lost but for the truck…the fact it wasn’t really mine…the money…the symbolism of the truck…and all the work and time that had been put into it. I appreciated you teaching me how to work on it. I appreciated how you set aside money for me for school…how you planned and tried to help guide me towards anything but diggin ditches and flippin burgers. ….now here I am and mom has come to me at times to vent…to cry…to forewarn me about the fact that you will no longer be paying my tuition with all that money you’ve saved since I was taken under your wing. Im graduating early because of you. I have to…mom cant pay for it and after all those talks of finances with you..well…I don’t want student loans. I may not be living the life you wanted for me…but as a whole im happy and healthy and standing on my feet. Now here is another thing….i appreciate the fact that for so many years you have cared for, loved, and supported my mom as far as I can see….as of right now? I couldn’t care less if you stayed in Iraq or Afghanistan. The way you are acting and behaving is hurting my mom and I wont stand for it. Quit being a puss and grow up. For goodness sakes youre almost 53 years old. Act like a man with a wife and 3 kids to support…and honestly if you don’t wanna have a thing to do with me…for the most part, that’s fine as long as you put a face on when I show up for moms sake. Support the other two…equally. Tye is your son. Honor is your daughter. Ben is dead and trying to make tye the boy you wanted ben to be is tough luck. Love tye for who he is and how he is. He is a smart boy and is most certainly old enough to make decisions for himself. Don’t push him. He’s stubborn and will push back and wont learn a thing at all. And that means church and religion and scouts. Honor is honor and given the proper…and I do mean proper guidance and support will be just fine in life. Give her the optimal chance at a normal life and do what is right for her. With mom, honor has come so very far from where she started. Let it stay that way. Consult mom. Don’t go behind her back. Love her. Trust her. She is loyal to you. She loves you. Me? I could prolly care less what happens to you because of the way that you have treated my mom lately…and my siblings. For moms sake tho, do right by her please and treat all the family with respect please. I looked up to you once. I wanted a husband like you once. Now? What I want in a husband and father of my kids is nothing like how you are now. Cherish my mother please. Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Mom keeps telling me that she likes woody. That she wants me to convince him Nauvoo is the place to get married in. she thinks we would work well together in the long run. I agree but I don’t say that out loud too much. It’s a touchy topic. Its usually tiptoed over…something only subtly mentioned. Honestly thinking about marriage is scary. I start thinking about my age…im 19. The absolute I would be proposed to I figure would be 20 which means I could be married before I even hit 21. Its scary!! But then I sit and think I could do it and it would be ok. But then the fact that im ok with it is scary and I flip out all over again. Im retarded honestly. I just need to chill. Woody wont propose for forever. I know him well enough to know that for sure….i think. Sometimes I freak because he says something and ill think that im wrong and that he’s ready. Im not ready. Im not. Sure I mean I could be a wife I suppose. I could share the cooking lol with him since he is a good cook…ok hes pretty great…and I honestly wrote the great part cause I knew if he was reading this over my shoulder that he would say something about being only a good cook….cause he and I both know he is pretty dang great…in more ways that one. I love him and I could be his wife….i just freak out cause I still see myself as a college kid…not married and in college lol…I mean I know it happens, especially in utah but…that just isn’t us. Ah well…

life...and the things that go with..

here i am in parshall colorado and i am surrounded by beauty and green for the most part. i love the little towns around me and dont feel the need for a big city. even with all this? i miss utah. never ever ever growing up did i ever think i would say that...

"i dont want to go to utah. i wont live there ever! there are too many mormons!" ...i want to go home to utah lol. i miss it. since being here the trivial things have honestly melted away. high school friends? i dont really miss them. college friends?for the most part, i dont miss them much either.

its the important things in life you think about (especially when you clean and work all day). i think about woody. about my family. about his family. about classes and credits. about my apartment and hoping i dont have to drop much money on it. i think about my future...the career i want, my goals in life. i worry about money.

the hardest decision i think i have right now in my life tho is whether or not to purchase a saddle from one of the girls here. its a versatile saddle and what with my plans and such ill need one soon.

housekeeping......i have almost become a nazi about bathrooms. i honestly prefer the bathrooms over the bedrooms and lets just say when someone comes in and messe it up or i find out someone didnt do it right...i flip. im sorry that other people want to get done asap...i completely understand. i want the same thing but finishing an hour early (and we are being paid for that hour off) and doing a half done job is ridiculous!! it takes 2 mins to fix the little things that are being left undone. im not asking for perfection...i just see that you have the time...(and are getting the money) to straighten the towels...make sure there are extra supplies in the cabinet...check note of needs in each cabin...pick rugs up to sweep stuff out from under them. working with people that dont do the job is draining on me. i know its life but come on people...i hate having to go around after you and fixing what youre not doing!!

PI attendence has ceased for me...after hours is spent watching criminal minds with emily or heading to the arena (the ropin' pen) in granby. i want to rope. i want to chase cans...(barrel race).

honestly right now i want to get away from the ranch. i need that break. im tired...im trying not to grump at people...but puttin on a face for the guests does take its toll. when i can ill just escape to the sick pen and brush and pet strawberry shortcake (shorty).

mosquitoes are vicious and are hard to kill this season...i dont know how many times ive smacked mosquitoes and they just keep on truckin...and they swarm ya in the middle of the day in high country with no water and wind. no bueno.

sure the week flies by but as a whole the season end just seems far off. i just want to spend my days in the saddle and at the barn.

my hats are dusty and dirty and a little curled at the ends. my boots need new soles. my sshirts are dirty and no amount of scrubbin gets the dirt out from under the nails until you pull the pocket knife outof the back pocket. days are hot and nights are layering weather (tanktop, long sleeves, vest, jacket, and then a wind and rain proof coat. pants are dusty, dirty, stained,and frayed. things that are on the list to buy eventually included spurs and the straps. a martingale and headstall and reins. a saddle blanket will be needed once that saddle comes in. its almost too bad i cant just have a horse and ride that to classes....ah well..that would be the best!

completely new topic...
mom yesterday was saying how she thinks woody and i would work well together. (im sure woody gets things like that on his end from people). "he could build the barn you would need and you would be able to tell him what would work best and what you would want for the horses...and you could help him do it."

and this next one i promise all ive ever mentioned to her was that when he gets married he wants to get married in the hawaiian temple...lol...it came up in a convo ok? lol. well since i was younger ive wanted to get married in the nauvoo temple (actually more like since that moment i walked into that temple) so mom keeps telling me and i need to try to talk him into nauvoo....well madre? my fiance and i will descuss marriage location but since im not engaged and therefore have no fiance im not going into that convo. ugh. thanks mom.

knots are still present under my surgery scars. hands are no longer nie and pretty...my wrists are strong and sitting is a limited luxury...i love it here but i cant wait to get back to cedar. im looking forward to seeing woody next week!!
fin for now